In real life, not everyone will be like the American TV series “Sex and the City”, where daily conversations with friends are filled with a lot of sexual topics, and they often discuss their own sexual experiences. Maybe you can talk to your closest friends about almost anything. But when it comes to sex, do you joke about it to cover up your awkward discomfort, or are you able to speak freely about it? Many people were taught, and still believe, that sex is something that should be kept secret. Even among close friends, talking directly about sex can be intimidating or a little embarrassing. This may be related to the fact that sex education today still does not teach us knowledge about sexual mechanisms.
It is also because of this that when society gradually becomes sexually open, some people let go of their entanglements to discuss sexual matters. , but we don’t know how to discuss sex. Maybe you are still wondering whether you should talk about sex? Or maybe you wonder how we can safely have discussions about sex with genuine respect for our partners and the listener, without making awkward jokes? Your worries are all heard!
##Are there any unexpected benefits to discussing sex with friends? The following are generally speaking, six benefits of talking about sex: ###1. It can form sexual norms. You can easily search for all kinds of pornographic films on the Internet. Although pornographic films have different scenes and character settings, perhaps after careful analysis, we can all find that they have the same sexual script. For example: most of women’s roles are to serve men, women will feel begging for mercy and shame when they consent (or do not consent) to sexual intercourse, and men need superb skills to make women reach orgasm (in fact, they often do not rely solely on men’s skills) etc. After all, porn is made to satisfy the specific desires of the audience, and it only conveys a single and narrow description and understanding of sexual behavior, but it has deeply affected the public’s general understanding of sexual behavior. Some people may even blindly follow or pursue the effects of porn, and end up pushing themselves and their partners too hard. The reality is that everyone has different sexual desires and preferences, and it’s perfectly normal for them to differ from porn. Many of us feel embarrassed to speak up, and it’s not until we talk about our sexual desires and preferences that we realize that this difference is actually a shared experience. We feel at ease knowing that what we do or like to do is universal, and that we understand and respect everyone’s differences in our interactions with others. ###2. Help each other maintain a safe sex life. Sex should be a comfortable and enjoyable experience. If a friend is willing to disclose sexual information, by caring about the friend, we can help the other person identify sexual behavior that may not be completely safe; or whether the sexual behavior is consensual. Furthermore, if we are in an unhealthy relationship, we may also need a little help from friends to refuse to continue the relationship. Friends can also provide a third-person perspective, revealing unanswered questions we may have with our sexual partners, and have the opportunity to let us know what situations commonly occur in sexual relationships, such as how our partners treat us during sex. It’s correct and respectful. In general, friends can help us identify whether the relationship we are in makes us happy. ###3. Broaden our horizons. Human sexologist Carol Queen points out that discussions can allow us to hear different perspectives about sex, including other people’s sexual experiences and preferences, and may also open doors to our sex lives. As the sexual experiences we share with and learn from others become more diverse, our ideas about sex will become broader. ###4. Eliminate our anxiety about sex. Regardless of gender, we all face a lot of so-called “social standards” that tell us how we need to look and behave, and sex is no exception. These external standards can easily add up to unrealistic expectations for ourselves. In addition to causing unnecessary pressure, they may also make us feel that we are “abnormal.” Talking about sex-related anxieties with friends can help us realize that many of our sex-related fears can be attributed to completely natural factors. This can also help eliminate some of the negative views we have about ourselves or about sex. In addition to friends’ own experiences that they can share, many sexual health organizations and sex therapists can answer more complex questions. Whether you turn to a friend or a professional, being able to talk to someone about sex can help improve your personal well-being and your sex life. ###5. Consolidate social networks that support each other. According to anthropologist Carol Queen, successful conversations about sex with friends can help us understand who can be our closest friends when we need support the most. Research shows that when people disclose information about themselves (Self-Disclosure) and receive positive feedback, the experience helps build trust in the relationship, thereby strengthening the relationship. But also keep in mind that since sex is an extremely personal topic, not everyone is willing to divulge intimate information about their sex life. Everyone can choose how much information to disclose, and we need to respect how much different people are willing to share. All in all, talking about your sexual experiences with someone you trust may be healthier and more valuable than we think! ##Besides friends, why should you discuss sex with your partner?
When we feel comfortable talking about sex with familiar people (for example: friends, best friends), it will feel like we have already Just like rehearsing it, it also makes it easier and feels better to discuss sex with our partner. This helps us develop a deeper connection with our partner. First give yourself a space where you can feel prepared, and then open up a new path of development through communication with your partner. You will naturally feel less pressure. When we express our feelings to our partners in a calm manner and tone, rather than just expressing our feelings when we are angry or frustrated, we can more easily communicate our inner feelings to our partners. ##But there is no need to speak openly when discussing sexual matters! Even though there are many benefits to talking about sex with people other than your partner, clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Judy Kuriansky has some tips for us to pay attention to: ###1. Don’t post your sex life/sex online Behavior. When we share intimate details online without our partner’s consent, we risk losing intimacy and trust with our partner. Posting about sex online is fraught with potential problems, not only because almost anyone can see what we post, but because those details can live on in the online world (even after a breakup). Even if we delete the original post, there is still a risk of being recorded. ###2. Don’t bring sexual topics into the office. We should remain professional in the workplace, and not all workplaces are suitable for talking about sex-related topics, especially about personal sex life and experiences. Every company and organization has its own systems and policies. Talking about sex-related topics can easily be misunderstood, and may even lead to sexual harassment in the office. It’s better to keep conversations about sex in private places (or at least where others can’t hear you). This is because we can never be sure who might be eavesdropping in the workplace and relaying what they hear to the very people you least want to disclose it to. ###3. Make your friends promise not to tell others what they said. Remember to only confide in trusted friends. We must be very sure that the person sharing private information respects us and our relationship with our partner. We can tell our friends that we only discuss sex-related topics out of trust. If we are not comfortable with this, we should think twice about sharing it with others. ###4. Talk about yourself as much as you want, not your partner. What you feel free to share should only be about your body or sexual behavior. For example, you can express your difficulty in reaching orgasm; or reveal your sexual fantasies. But things can get more complicated when we want to talk to friends about things related to our partners. In fact, many people feel uncomfortable with their partners discussing their sex lives with others. Establishing “golden rules” about what information should and should not be shared can be very effective in helping us make decisions. Ask yourself: “Would I mind if my partner shared this information about me with their friends?” If the answer is no, move on. If so, then it’s best to keep the information between you and your partner only. Don’t let talking about your and your partner’s sex life with friends cause damage to your relationship. ###5. Think clearly about your motives. It’s also important to be clear about why you want to share your sex life with your friends, especially when sharing personal information about your partner. If you’re struggling with something and need a friend’s advice, it’s understandable to want to talk to one or two of your most trusted friends about it. But if you just want to vent or have fun, such as expressing frustration or bragging about yourself, sharing intimate details in this situation becomes cruel and unnecessary because it is unfair to your partner. ##How can you protect your partner’s privacy?
Please remember to protect your partner’s privacy and try not to share details about private parts, such as penis shape and size , pubic hair style, labia and nipple color; issues related to sexual function should also be kept confidential from the partner, such as the partner having difficulty or maintaining an erection, being unable to reach orgasm, or taking a long time to reach orgasm, poor bed skills, etc. This is something most of us don’t want others to know. Every relationship has different emotional, physical, and sexual boundaries. We need to be clear about these boundaries, such as how much of the internal details of the relationship the other person is willing to share. Therefore, in relationship management, we need to set appropriate boundaries and maintain good communication with each other to ensure that we do not inadvertently hurt our partners by sharing our sex life. Of course, that doesn’t mean we can’t turn to others when we need advice, resonance, or vent. This is normal, just remember not to backfire and affect your relationship with your partner. Remember, don’t let people outside the intimate relationship detract from the joy and intimacy established in the home! > Free Psychological Test: > >
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