Understand the characteristics, causes and harms of flattering personality. Test whether you have a pleasing personality and learn effective ways to get rid of the dilemma of 'pleasing others'. Learn to reject, establish boundaries, improve self-confidence, re-control your life, and live your true self.
In life, do you always habitually suppress your own needs and prioritize others' feelings? Are you afraid to reject others, even if you feel reluctant? Do you care too much about other people's evaluations and lack confidence? If you answer these questions yes, then you may be a 'pleasant personality'.
What is a pleasing personality?
A flattering personality, also known as a cater to personality, refers to a personality trait that is overly centered on others and suppresses one's own needs and feelings. People with flattering personality often lack a sense of security and need to constantly gain recognition and love by pleasing others. They are afraid of conflict, are rejected, and are afraid of failure, so they try to avoid expressing their true thoughts and feelings.
Typical manifestations of a pleasing personality
People with flattering personality will have many typical manifestations in their daily lives, such as:
- Fear of expressing their inner thoughts : They are worried that their thoughts will not be accepted by others, and are afraid of being isolated and attacked, so they always choose to hide their true thoughts.
- Like to take the initiative to apologize : Even if they feel bored in their hearts, they will choose to apologize to avoid conflicts, hoping to end the unhappiness as soon as possible.
- Will cater to others : In social occasions, they always agree with other people's opinions and dare not raise objections, even if they do not agree with them in their hearts.
- Don’t know how to refuse : They are afraid that they will be hated by others after rejecting others. In order to maintain a good relationship on the surface, they will agree to other people’s requests even if they are unwilling to do so.
- No principles and bottom line : In order to maintain a harmonious relationship with others, they sometimes blindly please others and lose their principles and bottom line.
- Hesitate to speak, afraid of offending others : They always think about their own words repeatedly, worrying that they will offend others by saying the wrong words. They are very sensitive inside and easily influenced by other people's words.
Test your pleasing personality tendencies:
- Self-test of flattery personality: Test your flattery health index (30 questions)
- Are you a pleasing personality? 26 questions to test your true personality!
- Test of flattery personality tendency: What type of 'good person' are you?
Reasons for the formation of a pleasing personality
The formation of a flattering personality is usually related to the following factors:
- Low self-recognition : they essentially feel that they are not worthy of being loved, lack a sense of security, and need to constantly please others to prove the value of their existence.
- Parents have a strong desire to control their children : This type of parents do not regard their children as independent individuals, but regards their children as their own accessories, control everything, and ignore their children's thoughts and feelings.
- Parents have too high expectations for their children : This type of parents always put too high demands on their children and do not allow their children to fail, making them feel that only by meeting their parents' expectations can they get love, which leads to children suppressing their own needs in interpersonal communication and striving to meet other people's expectations.
- Lack of care and affirmation in childhood : This type of person lacks care and affirmation from his parents or other important others in childhood, which leads to their low self-worth and needs to gain recognition by catering to others.
The dangers of pleasing personality
A pleasing personality can have many negative effects on individuals:
- They are prone to losing themselves : They are used to suppressing their own feelings, give up their thoughts and needs in order to cater to others, and eventually lose themselves, and may even have psychological problems.
- Interpersonal relationship deformity : Although they long for love, they are afraid of love. They are worried about gains and losses in intimate relationships, and it is difficult to establish a healthy relationship. At work, they also lack self-confidence, dare not take responsibility, and find it difficult to gain respect from others.
- To bear more pressure : They do not know how to refuse, and always agree to other people's requests, even if they exceed their abilities, causing them to bear huge pressure.
- Don’t dare to show their strength : They are afraid that their excellence will cause negative emotions to others, so they dare not show their strength and miss many opportunities.
How to get out of a pleasing personality?
Changing a flattering personality is a long process that requires constant self-awareness and hard work. Here are some ways to help you get rid of your flattering personality:
- Learn to refuse : Don't be afraid to reject others, you have the right to say no. You can try to practice rejection from small things, such as refusing to sell calls, rejecting unreasonable requests.
- Establish boundary awareness : clarify your bottom line, what things you cannot accept, what things you are willing to do, and firmly safeguard your boundaries.
- Accept the guilt brought by rejection : It is normal to feel guilty after rejecting others, but don’t compromise because of this, and believe that the decision you made is correct.
- Learn to love yourself and improve self-confidence : Believe that you are worthy of being loved, don’t pay too much attention to others’ evaluations, focus on yourself, do what you like, and develop your interests and hobbies.
- Learn to express your needs : Don’t be afraid to express your thoughts and feelings, be brave enough to express your needs and let others understand your true thoughts.
- Seeking professional help : If your flattering personality has seriously affected your life, it is recommended to seek help from a professional psychological counselor.
Related Readings: 4 major fears of pleasing personality: How to get rid of the 'good person disease'?
Conclusion
A pleasing personality is not a disease, but an unhealthy personality pattern. As long as you are willing to change, you will be able to get rid of the troubles of flattering personality and live out your true self. Remember that your life is for yourself, not for others. When you can be yourself calmly, your interpersonal relationships will be healthier and more harmonious.
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