Three roles of workplace communication
At work, we have to deal with different people, such as bosses, colleagues, subordinates, etc. Their relationship to us is different, and the way we talk to them is different. Have you ever noticed how you talk to them? Do you know why you talk like this?
There is a psychologist named Eric Berne who proposed a theory called ‘Transactional Analysis’. He said that when we talk to different people, we have three different roles: ‘Parent’, ‘Adult’ and ‘Child’. These three roles represent our state, manner and attitude when speaking.
Bern believes that we have been educated and influenced by our parents since childhood, and we have learned a lot from society when we grow up. Therefore, everyone has these three roles: parent, adult and child, which constitute our complex personality. These three roles influence how we speak:
- P: As parents, we display authority and superiority, often command or criticize others, and are critical and harsh.
- A: As adults, we will show objectivity and rationality, speak according to facts and logic, and be able to handle differences flexibly and show respect for others.
- C: When playing the role of children, we will be real and direct, with a more self-centered attitude, and it is easy to show willful, emotional and perceptual side.
In daily life, we choose different characters to speak according to different occasions and objects, forming our unique interpersonal style. At the same time, others will also use one of their roles to speak to us, so we must also analyze other people’s roles (pay attention to the words and body language they use) and choose the appropriate role, attitude and way to respond.
How to deal with paternalistic communication patterns in the workplace?
In the workplace, our most common boss-employee communication method is the ‘parent-child’ mode, especially when the boss assigns tasks to employees or evaluates work.
Boss: ‘Put the completed report on my desk before leaving get off work. You are not allowed to leave work until it is completed.’
As employees, when we face such paternalistic orders from our boss, we have the following three possibilities to respond:
- P (parent): ‘I’m busy. I have other things to do after get off work today. You can go find someone else to do it.’
- A (Adult): ‘You asked me to prepare the customer information for tomorrow. If I have to complete this report before get off work, my work will be delayed. I think the customer information is more urgent and important. I will give you the report tomorrow. , or is it okay to let another colleague take charge?”
- C (child): ‘I don’t care, if I can’t finish it before get off work, let’s talk about it tomorrow!’
Even if the boss uses a parent mode to communicate with employees, the employees will feel uncomfortable. But if the boss uses a parent or child communication mode in response, we can imagine the result! Therefore, even if you are unhappy, trying to respond in an adult mode is often better at maintaining good workplace communication and relationships.
Create effective ‘adult-to-adult’ communication
When communicating with colleagues in the workplace, the ideal thing is to continuously create ‘adult-to-adult’ interactions and communicate objectively and rationally so that work can proceed efficiently and smoothly. But communication is two-way. To create an ‘adult-to-adult’ interaction, both parties need to adopt the ‘adult’ role.
The so-called ‘adult-to-adult’ interaction actually refers to a kind of effective communication, that is, the speaker and the listener understand the message in the same way. But sometimes, the information may be interpreted by the obedient person as a completely different meaning, which may cause misunderstandings or even conflicts and affect work communication.
On the other hand, many people will also ignore the purpose of communication, which is not just to express their opinions, but also to allow the other party to truly understand your message. Therefore, to communicate effectively, clear feedback is very important. If both parties only care about what they want to say and not whether the other party understands it, then they will become talking to themselves, communication will encounter obstacles, and work will not proceed smoothly.
Everyone has their own way of conveying information and their own way of receiving and understanding it. Therefore, in the process of communication, do not think that others can understand you immediately. It is also important to seek feedback from others. Likewise, proactive feedback to let the other party know your understanding can also avoid misunderstandings and make work more efficient.
In addition to proactive feedback, the following 6 tips can also help you create ‘adult-to-adult’ conversations and establish good workplace communication.
6 tips for achieving good workplace/team communication
1. Listen instead of interrupting
When we disagree with the other person, we may be tempted to refute them immediately, but this can easily make the other person feel offended and make the conversation emotional. We can resist the urge to interrupt and listen patiently to the other person’s point of view or reasons before making suggestions or solutions to the problem to reduce the chance of conflict.
2. Think carefully before speaking
Communication is about understanding the other person’s thoughts. Before speaking, you can take some time to think about how to ask questions. For example: If we are not sure what the boss means, instead of blindly saying ‘I understand’ and doing the wrong thing, we can confirm by repeating what the boss said in our own words after listening.
for example:
- Boss: ‘This project needs to be modified the day after tomorrow in the several places I just mentioned. Do you understand?’
- Employee: ‘Boss, do you mean that in addition to modifying A, B and C, are there any other areas that need improvement?’
3. Choose the right moment to start a conversation
When communicating in the workplace, you should pay attention to priorities and the emotional state of the other party. For example: The boss is in a bad mood today. Should we avoid bringing him more bad news? Seeing the other person’s face and mood clearly is an important skill in workplace communication.
4. Confirm that both parties have a consensus on the topic and focus of the discussion
Employees in different positions have different work contents and look at problems from different perspectives. Therefore, when we express our ideas, we must also consider the other party’s position and doubts, so that it is easier to reach a consensus.
5. Use appropriate words and attitudes to communicate
Avoid using words that are too subjective or emotional, such as ‘I think’, ‘I think’, etc. This allows us to maintain professionalism in the workplace. In addition, we cannot assume that others know what we are talking about. We must use specific and clear language to clearly explain the time, place, people, and things to avoid misunderstandings.
6. Show sincerity in dialogue and give feedback
When facing other people’s suggestions or questions, even if they conflict with your own ideas, you can first discuss them from a rational perspective and use curiosity to understand the other person’s views. This may also be an opportunity to make progress.
**If you are in management, you need to learn to listen! **
Many times we only pay attention to ‘how to speak’ but not ‘how to listen’. In fact, it is more important for management to learn to listen to other people’s opinions and feelings. You may ask: Isn’t the job of management to “make others listen to you”? Why should we learn to listen? As a manager, you actually need to think more sensitively. The three-level analysis mentioned below may help you.
Each piece of information can actually be analyzed at different levels and can be divided into three levels. The first level: fact, which is the most literal meaning. In daily conversations, many people only hear the surface meaning and do not deeply understand the second layer of the message content: feelings, which is the emotional state of the speaker when conveying the message. Finally, we can actually think more about the third layer of content: purpose, which is the speaker’s idea behind the message.
For example: If you are a manager and hear employees complain about working overtime…
- Level 1: Employees don’t like to work overtime.
- Second level: How do employees feel when delivering information? Do you feel unfair/tired/disappointed/angry/disrespected?
- The third level: What is the purpose of employees complaining about overtime?
Some employees feel that they get more for their hard work and are willing to work overtime as long as they receive overtime pay;
Some employees feel that working hours should be limited and that life should not be sacrificed for work;
Some employees also feel that they are not recognized by management even if they work overtime.
You have to respond to different ideas in different ways to make employees feel heard and respected.
Understand and master your own roles and communication patterns, and use them to increase your awareness and awareness. Analyze the different communication styles around you and make adjustments.
In the workplace, practicing your listening skills is a must. After communicating as an ‘adult’ and improving your communication skills, you may find that interpersonal problems in the workplace will be solved!
Communication is a science, and communication in the workplace requires the accumulation of experience to become more proficient. Newcomers in the workplace should not feel too frustrated because of one or two mistakes! 😭
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