‘How do you judge that your lover may be depressed?’, ‘What should I do if my lover is depressed?’ - Depression is one of the common mental health problems around the world, affecting about 5% of adults. Many people have not been diagnosed promptly or received effective treatment. If your lover is experiencing depression, you as a partner may feel helpless, confused, or even lonely.
It is not easy to fall in love with a lover who suffers from depression. But by understanding the symptoms, maintaining communication, and seeking professional help in time, your relationship can still be healthy and tenacious.
How to judge whether a lover may have depression?
You may think that your lover is just feeling down and stressed, but depression is often more complicated than the surface. According to the American Psychiatric Association, the following are common symptoms of depression:
- Loss of interest in what you originally like
- Continuous sadness, emptiness, hopelessness
- Excessive sleep or severe insomnia
- Depressed mental state, slow movements or restlessness
- Feeling guilty, self-blame, worthless
- In severe cases, it may have suicidal thoughts or self-harm impulse.
If you suspect your lover has depression, you can recommend that they use some professional tools to test it yourself, such as:
- PHQ - 9 Depression Screening Scale Free Test
- SDS Depression Self-rated Scale Free Online Test
-Quick self-evaluation scale for depression symptoms (QIDS - SR16) online assessment - Burns Depression List (BDC)
-Emotional Self-Assessment Scale: Depression - Anxiety - Stress Scale (DASS - 21)
-Baker Depression Scale (BDI - SF)
-Baker Depression Self-rated Scale BDI - IA - Hamilton Depression Scale HAMD
What should I do when I’m dating someone with depression?
First of all, you need to know: you can’t ‘save’ someone, but you can accompany them out of the trough. Here are a few key suggestions:
1. Accept rather than correct
Don’t try to “solve” your lover’s emotions, and don’t rush to provide advice or “positive energy.” Depression cannot be overcome by willpower alone. Unless your lover asks, do not rashly forward psychological information or recommend a doctor.
2. Be wary of ‘smile and depression’: strong on the surface, but tormented on the inside
Not all people with depression look sad. Some people still pretend to be smiling, work normally, and socially appropriate even in severe depression. This phenomenon is called ‘smile depression’.
Such people may:
- Work normally during the day, and break down at home at night
- It’s obviously painful, but I say ‘I’m fine’
- Keep suppressing emotions until you can’t bear it
What you need to be especially vigilant is that when a lover who was originally in a downturn suddenly becomes very energetic, optimistic, and even excited, this may not be a sign of the improvement of the condition, but a suicide plan.
If you suspect your lover is ‘smiling depression’, you can invite them (or yourself) to do a targeted assessment:
- Smiling Depression Online Evaluation (Free) : Helps identify hidden emotional crises and promptly detect psychological risks.
3. Don’t ignore your emotional health
A lover’s mood swing may make you feel neglected or rejected. Maybe they will suddenly be unwilling to get close to you, unwilling to speak, or even alienate you. It’s not your fault. You need to build your own support system, stick to exercise, socializing, resting and interests.
Can you convince your lover to go for treatment?
You can try it, but you can’t force it. People with depression often resist treatment or underestimate their own problems. You can express your concern gently, such as:
‘I saw that you are really tired lately, and I’m worried about you. Let’s find a psychological counselor together, okay?’
But please respect their rhythm. If they explicitly refuse, you need to evaluate the impact of the relationship on you: Can you accept this state? How long are you willing to wait?
What should I do if my lover suffers from bipolar depression?
Bipolar disorder, unlike ordinary depression, contains “extreme fluctuations” of emotions – from lows (depression) to peaks (mania). Typical manifestations include:
- Sharp emotional change
- Increased impulsive behavior (such as spending money, taking risks, sexual impulsiveness)
- Overconfidence, talk too much, and energetic when manic, and extremely depressed when depression
When dating a person with bipolar depression, you need more understanding and information. It is recommended to work with your lover to understand their specific diagnosis type and discuss the following issues:
- What behaviors are their ‘red flags’?
- How do they want you to support them when your mood swings?
- Are you willing to participate in partner consultation together?
Can I still stick to this relationship when my lover is seriously depressed?
This is a very realistic question. The answer is - depending on the situation.
If there is love, communication, and the willingness to grow together in this relationship, then depression is not an insurmountable obstacle. But the premise is:
- The other party is willing to face his illness
- You can take good care of your mental state
- Both sides have the basis for establishing security boundaries and mutual respect
You can work with your lover to find treatment options, such as:
- Individual Psychological Treatment
- Couple Relationship Consultation
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Family Support Therapy
Last: Love can’t cure depression, but understanding can
Dating a lover with a depression may not be a fairy tale, but it can be a real, profound, and worthy of persistence.
Love is not a panacea, but it can become a ‘safe haven’ for the other party to recover. Remember- you are not their psychologist, but you can be the one who ‘will never leave you and is willing to listen.’
If you think this article is helpful to you, you are welcome to collect it or share it with friends in need. Paying attention to mental health is the subject of each of us throughout our lives.
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