What is the savior complex?
Have you ever had this experience: when you see people around you encounter difficulties or pain, you can’t help but want to lend a helping hand to help them solve their problems, even at the expense of your own interests and happiness? If so, you may be suffering from a psychological phenomenon called a ‘savior complex.’
‘Savior complex’ refers to a tendency to care too much about and help others, often in intimate relationships, friendships, or in the workplace. People with a ‘savior complex’ often believe that they have the responsibility and ability to change the lives of others and get them out of trouble or pain, and even feel that this is the meaning and value of their existence. However, this behavior does not necessarily benefit yourself or others, but may cause the following negative effects:
- Overwork: If you leave all your energy to others, do you still have time and space to take care of yourself? Long-term neglect of one’s own needs and feelings may lead to damage to physical and mental health, and even psychological problems such as depression and anxiety.
- Relationship breakdown: Does the other person want to be seen as someone who needs to be ‘fixed’? Excessive interference in other people’s lives may cause resentment and resistance on the part of the other party, and may even lead to a lack of trust and respect, leading to the deterioration or breakdown of the relationship.
- Disappointment: When you feel that the other person has not changed, the responsibility lies with you. Can you not be disappointed? Basing your own happiness on the changes of others may plunge you into endless waiting and frustration, and lead to loss of self-confidence and self-esteem.
Why is there a savior plot?
So, why do some people have a ‘savior complex’? Psychologists believe that this may be related to childhood experiences. Some people may not have received enough care and affirmation when growing up, or may have experienced traumatic events such as domestic violence and abuse. These experiences may have led them to form a false belief: ‘I can only get love and recognition by helping others.’ Therefore, they will constantly seek out those in need and try to change them to meet their emotional needs.
Cases of savior complex:
For example, in a relationship, a woman always wants to change the imperfections of her boyfriend in her eyes, such as playing games or sleeping in, thinking that this can help him live a better life. But the man felt very troubled and depressed, which eventually led to the breakdown of the relationship.
Some people who experienced bullying or lack of care in childhood develop a desire to gain love and recognition by saving others. This person may constantly seek out those in need and try to change them to meet their own emotional needs.
In social activities, some people always want to sacrifice themselves for a certain ideal or goal, or even involve others. Such people may ignore their own interests and feelings and those of others and focus only on their own beliefs and mission.
How to tell if you have a savior complex?
If you want to determine whether you have a savior complex, you can refer to the following test criteria:
- Are you often attracted to people who have various problems or difficulties and feel that you have the responsibility and ability to help them change or solve them?
- Do you often sacrifice your own interests and happiness in order to help others, or even ignore your own needs and feelings?
- Do you always want to influence other people’s lives in the way you think is right, without respecting other people’s choices and wishes?
- Do you only feel valuable and meaningful when you help others, rather than gaining recognition and acceptance from within and outside yourself?
- Do you feel angry, disappointed, or guilty when others refuse your help, rather than understanding and respecting them?
If you answered yes to the above questions, then you probably have a savior complex. This complex may have negative consequences for yourself and others, such as burnout, relationship breakdown, disappointment, etc. Therefore, you should learn to help others correctly, and you should also learn to help yourself correctly.
How to improve your savior complex
If you find that you have a ‘savior complex’ tendency, you can try the following methods to improve it:
- Reflect on your own motivations: Do you want to help others out of genuine empathy and care? Or do you just want to change the negative state of others to make yourself comfortable? Do you respect other people’s choices and wishes? Do you think others are capable of solving your problems for you?
- Set boundaries: You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to help others. You can refuse some requests that are beyond your capabilities or unreasonable. You can also retreat at the appropriate time to give yourself and the other person some space. Understand that you are not the only supporter in someone else’s life, nor are you the only source of their happiness.
- Pay attention to yourself: You need to learn to take care of your physical and mental health and find things that make you happy and satisfied. You can develop some hobbies, make some like-minded friends, or seek professional psychological counseling. You have to realize that your value and significance do not depend on your help to others, but on your recognition and acceptance of yourself.
In short, the ‘savior complex’ is an unhealthy psychological phenomenon that may damage one’s own happiness and the happiness of others. We should learn to help others correctly, and we should also learn to help ourselves correctly. Only in this way can we establish a more balanced and harmonious relationship and have a richer and better life.
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