Can fathers share some of the hard work of mothers?
Mothers are busy every day, washing clothes, cooking, organizing housework, taking care of children, and dealing with various trivial matters. Their work is never finished. And what about dads? Can they share family responsibilities with mothers so that mothers can have more time and energy to do the things they like?
In the Netherlands, women have been able to continue working after pregnancy since 1957, allowing many mothers to find a balance between work and family. In recent years, Dutch fathers have also had more opportunities and choices. They can take parental leave or reduce their working hours to accompany their children as they grow up. Ideally, the arrangement should allow both parents to have equal time and rights at work and at home. However, this is not the case in reality. In most families, mothers still do more housework than fathers.
Why do mothers have to do more housework?
You might think that when you live alone, household chores will take up the most of your time. Since there is no one to help you with the load, you have to do everything yourself, right?
wrong. In fact, many studies have found that when women and men live together, women’s housework time actually increases. And when women become mothers, this situation is even more obvious: most mothers not only have to do more housework, but also take care of children, while fathers have less time to do housework. In addition to this obvious gender difference, there is also a pattern of housework distribution: mothers usually do more daily housework, such as cleaning, cooking, and laundry, while fathers are more responsible Occasional chores like fixing things, tending the garden, taking out the trash. However, the chores that mothers do need to be repeated more often, which results in mothers spending more time on housework than fathers. As a result, mothers’ personal leisure time is greatly reduced. Moreover, mothers who feel dissatisfied with this unfair division of housework tend to be more likely to feel depressed and less satisfied with their marriages.
The psychological pressure of mothers
In addition to physical housework, mothers also have to shoulder more psychological housework. This kind of mental housework means taking the time to think about what needs to be done at home but not actually doing it yet. Mothers often serve as ‘family managers,’ including arranging the family’s schedule (‘When do I need to buy the kids new clothes?’) and reminding other family members (including dad) to complete their tasks (‘Don’t ‘I forgot to make lunch for the kids’), keeping track of family and community obligations (‘I still have to give the teacher a gift’), and planning for the long-term needs of the family and children (‘Should we move to a better school district?’ ). Therefore, mothers are responsible not only for what they have to do, but also for what other members of the family have to do. In contrast, dads often only have to make decisions about specific things (‘What are we going to eat today?’).
The impact of gender expectations
So, what causes this unequal division of housework? One possible answer is that this unequal division of housework only exists between heterosexual couples, since gay couples generally have a more equal division of housework. Therefore, we can infer that the unequal division of housework between men and women is related to social expectations about gender:
As a man’s partner, women are expected to maintain the daily running of the household, such as cooking and cleaning. As a woman’s partner, a man may be responsible for the family’s financial situation, but he does not have that much responsibility for the daily running of the family. These social norms are especially strong for couples with children. Even if both parents work part-time and share the child’s caregiving responsibilities equally, others (such as teachers, doctors, etc.) often believe that the mother is the child’s primary caregiver and has the greatest responsibility for the child. So if a child is wearing inappropriate clothing in a school photo or forgets to bring food to a holiday party, moms may get even more flak.
How to achieve equality in housework?
There may not be an easy way to solve this problem. However, an important step could be to continue to increase the amount of leave parents can take after the birth of a child (think Norway, Sweden and Denmark). This would allow both parents to be more involved in the care of their children, and could ultimately lead to a society where men and women truly become equal partners.
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