Relationships are an integral part of our lives and affect our emotions, growth and happiness. However, interpersonal communication is not an easy task. It requires us to master some basic principles and skills to avoid unnecessary troubles and conflicts.
In this article, we will share 20 rules in interpersonal relationships with you, hoping to help you improve your interpersonal skills and level.
Related psychological test recommendations: 'Social Psychological Test' How mature is your interpersonal relationships?
Part 1: The underlying logic of interpersonal relationships
1. The core premise of interpersonal communication is that the values of two people should be equal, at least not too far apart.
This is the most basic and important rule in interpersonal relationships. If the two people's own values are very different, then their interactions will lose balance, resulting in one party feeling depressed or inferior, and the other party feeling proud or despised. Such a relationship is not healthy or lasting. Therefore, before dating others, we must first understand the value of ourselves and the other person, and then choose those who match or are close to us as friends or partners.
2. Unless in special circumstances, do not take the initiative to give advice to others. The problem of poor cognition is common.
Many times, we feel that we understand certain things better than others, or are more qualified to provide guidance and help to others. However, this idea is often based on our own cognition and experience and does not necessarily apply to other people's situations and needs. If we take the initiative to give advice to others without the other party’s consent or request, then we may be disgusted or rejected by the other party, and even cause hostility or misunderstanding by the other party. Therefore, in most cases, we should maintain modesty and respect, and only give our opinions and ideas when others take the initiative to seek advice or suggestions from us.
3. If someone with a higher rank than you is willing to give you advice, please fully demonstrate your learning ability and execution ability, and be sure to provide timely feedback.
In interpersonal communication, we sometimes meet people who are more capable, more experienced, more intelligent, more status and more influential than us. These people are very valuable resources and opportunities for us, and they can provide us with a lot of useful information, knowledge, skills, methods, suggestions, etc. If these people are willing to teach us or help us, then we should seize this opportunity to fully demonstrate our learning ability and execution ability, and must provide timely feedback. Doing this will not only allow us to gain more benefits and progress, but also allow the other party to feel our sincerity and gratitude.
Part 2: Key strategies for communication and expression
4. Don’t do things that require a lot of energy but are very effective, such as trying to use your own strength to change someone who doesn’t want to change at all.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes meet people who make us feel dissatisfied or uncomfortable, such as those who have bad habits, personalities, attitudes, and behaviors. We may want to change them, make them better or more in line with our expectations. However, this kind of thinking is often futile, because changing a person is very difficult and very energy-consuming, especially when the person doesn't want to change or thinks he has a problem. Therefore, in this case, we should give up this useless attempt and choose to accept them or stay away from them.
5. People often have self-awareness bias. It is recommended to use the people around them to understand their truest selves through them, which will be more objective and correct.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes have too high or too low evaluations of ourselves. This is because we are influenced by our own emotions, psychology, experience and other factors, which makes us unable to accurately understand ourselves. This self-awareness bias will cause us a lot of trouble and trouble, such as missing some opportunities or challenges, or throwing us into some difficulties or crises. Therefore, in this case, we should rely more on the people around us and understand our truest selves through them, which will be more objective and correct. Of course, we should also choose those who truly care about us, understand us, support us, and respect us as references.
6. When communicating and getting along with others, you need to have a little bit of your own sharpness. Excessive politeness is actually a kind of pleasing.
In relationships, we sometimes meet people who make us feel awe or fear, such as those who are more authoritative, more status, more capable, more famous, and more wealthy than us. We may show excessive politeness and humility to them, thinking that this will make them have a good impression or appreciation for us. However, this approach is actually a kind of flattery and flattery. It will make the other party feel that we have no confidence or personality, and will also reduce our value and status in the other party's eyes. Therefore, in this case, we should maintain moderate politeness and respect, and show a little bit of our own sharpness and characteristics.
7. When sending a message to others, please tell me the matter directly. Don’t send polite words such as “Are you there” or “Are you free?” to others. Don’t let others guess what you are looking for.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes communicate and connect with others through information. However, before sending a message to others, we should first think clearly about our purpose and intention to find the other party and say it out directly. Don’t send polite words to others like “Is it in” or “Are you free?” as this will make others feel that you are delaying time or wasting time, and will also make others guess what you are looking for. Doing this will not only affect communication efficiency and quality, but also affect the other person's impression and feelings of you.
8. If you have achieved some results, or are really stronger than others in some aspects, remember not to show off.
In relationships, we sometimes achieve some results, or are really stronger than others in some respect, which makes us proud and satisfied. However, if we over-show our strengths or belittle others' weaknesses in this situation, we will make others feel uncomfortable or jealous. Doing so will not only harm our relationship with others, but also expose our own shortcomings and weaknesses. Therefore, in this case, we should remain humble and low-key, and respect and appreciate the strengths and efforts of others.
9. When asking others for questions, think of your ideas in your mind first, or directly list the order of 123 to clearly express your confusion and current situation.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes ask others for questions or seek help. However, when asking others for questions, we should first think about our ideas in our minds, or directly list the order of 123 to clearly express our confusion and current situation. Don’t ask others some vague, chaotic, disordered, and irrelevant questions, as this will make others feel that you are not prepared or have not thought seriously, and will also increase the difficulty and time of communication. Doing this will not only improve the efficiency and quality of problem solving, but also make the other party feel your professionalism and respect.
10. Praise others is the lowest cost to increase interpersonal relationships, and you can do more.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes meet people who make us appreciate or like, such as those with excellent qualities, abilities, achievements, appearance, style, etc. We may express our praise or praise to them, thinking that this will make them feel good or close to us. However, this approach is actually a very effective and simple way. It can increase trust and friendship between us and others, and can also enhance our own image and charm. Therefore, in this case, we should praise others more and praise them sincerely, appropriately and in a timely manner.
11. Most people may not remember the content of the chat after chatting with others, but they will definitely remember the experience and feelings of chatting, so it is important to change the way they speak slightly.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes chat with others and share some information, knowledge, opinions, stories, etc. However, after chatting with others, most people actually won’t remember the content of the chat, but they will definitely remember the experience and feelings of the chat. If our speech is monotonous, boring, indifferent, mean, negative, etc., then we will leave the other person with a bad or uncomfortable impression, and it will also affect the other person's attitude and emotions towards us. Therefore, in this case, we should slightly change our speaking style, make our speaking more interesting, warm, polite, and more positive, etc.
Part 3: Workplace, Emotions and Human Cognition
12. If you are in the workplace, don’t complain to your colleagues about the company’s problems and your resentment. These words are likely to reach your boss’s ears.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes live in the workplace and get along and work with colleagues. However, when we are in the workplace, we should pay attention to our words and deeds, and do not complain to our colleagues about the company's problems and your resentment. These words are likely to reach our boss's ears. If we do this, we will leave a impression on our boss that is unfaithful, unprofessional, uncooperative, and unpositive, and will also affect our position and future in the company. Therefore, in this case, we should remain silent or change the topic and try to find solutions to problems or improve the situation.
13. No matter how busy you are, please keep learning and reading, and continue to iterate your cognition.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes meet people who we admire or envy, such as those with extensive knowledge, profound insights, unique perspectives, novel ideas, etc. We may want to learn from them or get close to them, thinking that this can improve our level or expand our horizons. However, this idea actually requires a lot of effort and time, because the reason why these people can reach this level is because they keep learning and reading and iterating their cognition. Therefore, in this case, no matter how busy we are, please keep learning and reading, and continue to iterate our cognition.
14. Don’t easily believe anything the other person says or any promises in a passionate relationship. Only when the passion fades, you will show sincerity.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes meet people who make us feel admired or fascinated, such as those with attractive appearance, personality, style, etc. We may express our love or commitment to them and believe in whatever they say and any commitment they have to us. However, this idea is actually very dangerous and very naive, because in love, people are often influenced by passion and impulse, and say some untrue or irresponsible words and promises. When the passion fades, it shows sincerity. Therefore, in this case, we should remain rational and sober and prove our love with each other with actions rather than words.
15. Be a Buddhist attitude towards human nature. It is best to have it. It is okay if you don’t have it. Don’t have too high expectations, otherwise you will definitely be disappointed.
Do not underestimate the evil of human nature. You may encounter countless malice from others. When everyone is competing for benefits, no one can take care of you, and it is normal that you even violate your interests.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes meet people who make us feel warm or moved, such as those with kind hearts, righteous actions, honest words, loyal feelings, etc. We may express our gratitude or trust to them and expect them to be good to us or be with us all the time. However, this idea is actually very idealistic and unrealistic, because in this world, the goodness of human nature is very scarce and fragile. It is easily affected and changed by the outside world, and it may not be able to last and stabilize. Therefore, in this case, we should have a Buddhist attitude towards the goodness of human nature. It is best to have it, and it is okay to not have it. Don’t have too high expectations, otherwise we will definitely be disappointed.
Similarly, in interpersonal relationships, we sometimes encounter people who make us feel indifferent or hurtful, such as those with selfish hearts, evil actions, hypocritical words, betrayal feelings, etc. We may express our anger or disgust towards them and hope that they can reform or leave us. However, this idea is actually very naive and dangerous, because in this world, the evil of human nature is very common and powerful. It often occupies a dominant position in people's hearts and is not easily eliminated and changed. Therefore, in this case, we should not underestimate the evil of human nature. You may encounter countless malice from others. When everyone is competing for benefits, no one can take care of you, and it is normal that you even violate your interests.
16. The right and wrong we see actually exist only in our subjective consciousness, so try to judge right and wrong as little as possible.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes encounter things that make us feel agreeable or opposed, such as things that conform to or violate our values, moral values, aesthetic values, etc. We may express our support or objection to these things and believe that these things are correct or wrong, good or bad, beautiful or ugly, etc. However, this idea is actually very subjective and one-sided, because in this world, there is no absolute and unified standard to judge right from wrong with black and white. Different people have different opinions and positions, and they all have their own reasonable and legal reasons and evidence. Therefore, in this case, we should try our best to judge right and wrong as little as possible, and respect and understand other people's choices and decisions.
Part 4: Skills for judging people and identifying situations
17. When communicating with others, the strongest person in terms of momentum is often easier to convince the other person, even if his reasoning is not the most correct.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes have disputes or debates with others, such as those involving interests, power, beliefs, etc. We may try to convince the other party with our own principles and evidence, and expect the other party to accept or agree with it. However, this idea is actually very difficult to realize and unrealistic, because when communicating with others, the strongest person in terms of momentum is often easier to convince the other party, even if his reasoning is not the most correct. This is because the person with the strongest momentum will cause psychological pressure or fear to the other party, and will also affect the other party's emotions and judgment. Therefore, in this case, we should pay attention to our momentum and attitude and try to remain calm and confident.
18. Anyone will have a reflexive surface of his own personality, so don’t dare to approach someone when he sees him being very cold. He may not be that aloof.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes meet people who make us feel awe or fear, such as those with personality traits such as coldness, strength, seriousness, and mystery. We may show a sense of distance or stay away from them and think they don’t like or need to communicate and get along with others. However, this idea is actually very one-sided and very misunderstood, because anyone will have a reflexive face of his own personality, so don’t dare to approach someone when he sees him being very cold. He may not be that cold. This is because personality traits such as aloofness do not represent the whole or essence of a person, and may also be a way to protect yourself or adapt to the environment. Therefore, in this case, we should know and contact one person more and discover the other side hidden behind them.
19. When getting along with interpersonal relationships, your intuition is actually very accurate, which applies to any relationship.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes meet people who make us feel comfortable or uncomfortable, such as those who have atmospheres such as harmony, pleasure, intimacy, sincerity, etc., or those who have atmospheres such as tension, depression, indifference, hypocrisy, etc. We may express our likes or dislikes to these people and rely on our intuition to judge their character and qualities. However, this idea is actually very correct and reliable, because when dealing with interpersonal relationships, your intuition is actually very accurate, which applies to any relationship. This is because intuition is a fast and unconscious judgment based on factors such as our experience, knowledge, emotions, etc. It can help us capture some subtle and obscure signals, and it can also reflect our true feelings and attitudes towards a person. Therefore, in this case, we should believe and listen to our intuition and choose and maintain our relationship based on it.
20. If a person always likes to pretend to be smart, he is probably not very smart; if a person always likes to pretend to be smart, he is likely to be a waste.
In interpersonal relationships, we sometimes meet people who get bored or sarcastic, such as those who always like to deliberately pretend to be smart or deliberately pretend to be stupid. They may use some complex, profound, high-end, professional and other words to show their knowledge or abilities, and expect others to admire or admire them. However, this idea is actually very stupid and ridiculous, because if a person always likes to deliberately pretend to be smart, he is probably not very smart; if a person always likes to deliberately show off, he is likely to be a waste. This is because truly smart or awesome people do not need to use this method to prove themselves or attract others. They will use their actual actions and achievements to show their value and charm, and will also use their modesty and low-key to win the respect and trust of others. Therefore, in this case, we should keep a calm and contemptuous attitude towards these people and stay away from them.
Conclusion: Mastering the rules is more effective than blindly working hard
The above 20 items are some important cognitive and practical experience I have accumulated in interpersonal relationships. I hope it can help you reduce misjudgments in communication and internal consumption, and truly build a mature, comfortable and high-quality relationship system .
If you think these contents are valuable, please collect or share them with friends who are experiencing interpersonal troubles. May we all be at ease in the interpersonal world and be as sensible as fish in water.
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