Do you often nod and agree involuntarily at the request of others, even if your time has already been occupied by work, family and friends? For example: 'Can you help me see this proposal? You have always had a big picture view.' You obviously have a lot of tasks that you haven't completed, but because the other party seems anxious, you subconsciously say, 'Of course.' You even start to adjust your get off work hours just to help others get through the difficulties. This automatic reaction of 'I'll help you' is a common behavioral pattern of ENFJ-type personality - a pleasing personality .
In the MBTI test , ENFJ (protagonist type) is naturally good at understanding other people's emotions, willing to help, and long for group harmony. But when helping others becomes a habitual sacrifice, it is worth being wary of . This article will give you an in-depth understanding of why ENFJ personality is particularly easy to become a typical example of a flattering personality, and at the same time teach you how to leave room for your emotions and needs without hurting others.
Why is ENFJ prone to becoming a pleasing personality?
If you always take the initiative to take on the organizer of the party, the leader of volunteer activities, or even take the initiative to train for interviews when your friends are anxious... then, it is very likely that you are a typical ENFJ personality.
ENFJ is a typical extrovert + emotional personality, good at listening, empathizing and supporting others. Their 'pleasing behavior' is not passive, but proactive - they sincerely want others to live a better life and want to see the other person relax because of themselves.
According to a survey on different personalities by PsycTest Quiz official website (psychtest.cn), ENFJ is one of the most easiest personality types among all 16 personalities to please others through 'active help' . As many as 57% of ENFJs said they tend to actively cater to others' needs through compliment and taking on tasks.
Why?
- Intuitive + emotional type allows ENFJ to quickly detect other people's emotions.
- Judgment makes them very executable and they will always do their best to complete what they promise.
- The strong sense of responsibility makes them feel that they 'can't help' even if they are tired inside.
Especially the turbulent (ENFJ-T) personality in ENFJ is more likely to fall into a pleasing mode. They are particularly sensitive to external feedback and are prone to constantly suppress their own ideas because they are worried about being denied or rejected, and give priority to meeting the needs of others. The self-confidence type (ENFJ-A) is relatively more able to balance one's own and others' needs and is more willing to say 'no'.
What problems will bring about long-term pleasing others?
You may start to feel:
- Involved stress on interpersonal relationships, feeling that you 'can't lose your links'
- Difficult to focus on your goals and always help others complete their plans
- Emotionally depressed, exhausted, and even a faint resentment
- In the end, I can't really help others because I'm already exhausted physically and mentally
In other words, when you ignore your needs, you will slowly lose the ability to continue to help others .
Three strategies to help ENFJ get rid of the pleasing mode
Strategy 1: Treat energy as an account, check the balance first and then 'transfer'
You are willing to help, but do you still have the 'leisure' to help? Before you are about to promise someone else next time, ask yourself:
- Is this really worth my time?
- Do I need to sacrifice rest, family, or other important arrangements?
- Will this helping behavior consume the long-term commitment I'm maintaining?
Stop and ask these questions, not selfish, but responsible. You are protecting yourself and protecting the other party from being affected by your inability to do so in the future.
Strategy 2: Make good use of 'connection force' rather than 'bearing force'
ENFJ's strongest ability is social coordination - that is used to build resource networks, rather than doing everything yourself.
- Is anyone better to deal with this problem than me?
- What suggestions, information and methods can I provide instead of getting started by myself?
- Can you recommend others instead of immediately agreeing to take on the task?
Helping others does not mean going into battle yourself. A more efficient way is to help others find the right help .
Strategy 3: Turn self-care into a 'compulsory course' rather than a 'short arrangement'
If you arrange it in an orderly manner for others, then you should set a 'not disturbing' time period for yourself, such as:
- No temporary requests are processed two nights a week, only do what you like
- Schedule a solitude day once a month and reject all social activities
- Set the bottom line of 'only deal with your own emotions after 10 pm'
You need to put 'care for yourself' on your schedule and be as punctual as you treat important meetings .
Test whether you have a pleasing personality
Many ENFJs did not realize that 'I have habitually ignored myself.' You might as well start with a few free tests to have a clearer understanding of your personality tendencies:
- Test of flattery personality tendency: What type of 'good person' are you?
- Self-test of flattery personality: Test your flattery health index (30 questions)
- Are you a pleasing personality? 26 questions to test your true personality!
Starting from personality type, rebuild your relationship with others
You don't need to become indifferent, nor do you need to suppress your instinct to 'want to help'. What you need to do is learn to include yourself in the 'objects you are caring for'.
If you are not sure about your MBTI type, welcome to the free MBTI personality test to explore your position in the 16-type personality.
If you already know that you are ENFJ, but want to have a deeper understanding of your own patterns, interpersonal motivation and growth suggestions, we recommend you to further read the MBTI Advanced Personality Archive , which provides more professional, meticulous, and in-depth personality analysis, suitable for you who are eager to grow deeply.
More ENFJ-related content recommendations:
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