Why do we hate people who do the right thing?
Have you ever had the experience of seeing someone not eating meat for the sake of the environment, or donating money for the sake of fairness, and instead of feeling admiration, you felt disgusted? Do you find these people annoying, self-righteous, or simply useless? If you feel this way, don’t feel ashamed because you are not alone. Research has found that we sometimes develop negative emotions toward people who do the right thing, and can even discourage ourselves from making better choices because of it. This phenomenon is called do-gooder impairment. What is the psychological mechanism behind it? How can we avoid it?
Doing the right thing threatens our self-image
Michael Jackson once sang: ‘If you want to make the world a better place, look at yourself and make a change.’ This lyric sounds reasonable, but in fact, we are not always willing to look yourself, let alone make a change. When we see someone making a moral choice that we have not made (such as not eating meat, or donating money), we feel that our behavior is not good enough, moral enough, or valuable enough. This feeling can threaten our self-image and make us feel like we are not a good person.
To mitigate this threat, we find ways to defend ourselves or belittle those who are doing the right thing. We might say that they don’t eat meat because they care about their own health, not because they care about the welfare of animals; or that they donate money to show off their wealth, not because they care about social justice. We might also say that their actions have no effect at all, or that they create more problems. In this way, we can make ourselves feel that they are no more noble than us and that we do not need to change our behavior.
Doing the right thing can lead to social ostracism
So what about those who do the right thing? Will they be praised and respected by others for their moral choices? Sadly, this is not the case. They may be ostracized by society because of their behavior, making themselves unpopular. In fact, they themselves know this, so they sometimes try to hide their moral motives or emphasize their shortcomings to avoid coming across as arrogant.
For example, a vegetarian might say that he doesn’t eat meat because he doesn’t like the taste of it, not because he cares about the environment or animals; or, he might say that he still wears leather boots or has a hard time quitting. cheese. The purpose of this is to let others know that he is not perfect, nor does he want to teach others a lesson.
Doing the right thing can also have a positive impact
Does this mean that doing the right thing will never have a good impact on others? Fortunately, this is not the case. We also sometimes feel inspired, rather than threatened, by seeing ethical behavior in others. This usually happens when we are faced with some new or unfamiliar choices or situations, because at this time, instead of feeling that our behavior is inappropriate, we feel that we have an opportunity to learn and improve.
For example, if someone tells you that they’ve discovered a new packaging-free eco-friendly store that you’ve never heard of, you might be curious enough to check it out. But if you already know the store and never go there because you find it troublesome to bring your own containers, this person is going to make you feel uncomfortable.
How to avoid derogation from do-gooders
So how do we prevent do-gooders from detracting? There are several ways to help us:
- Recognize your emotions. When we see others doing the right thing, we should pay attention to our emotional reaction. Should we feel admiration or disgust? If it’s the latter, we should realize that it may be because our self-image is threatened rather than because there’s anything really wrong with that person.
- Accept your own imperfections. We don’t need to compare ourselves to others or see ourselves as a perfect person. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and we all have room to grow. We should accept our imperfections instead of justifying ourselves or putting others down.
- Learn the strengths of others. We should view the ethical behavior of others as a learning opportunity, not a threat. We should respect other people’s choices, understand their motivations and reasons, and ask for advice and lessons from them. We should also encourage the behavior of others rather than criticize or ridicule them.
- Make your own changes. Finally, we should make our own changes based on our own values and goals, rather than passively following or resisting others. We should find a way that suits us and do what we think is right instead of feeling pressured or guilty because of the influence of others.
Summarize
Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, nor is it always popular. We sometimes feel uncomfortable because of the moral behavior of others, and sometimes we feel isolated because of our own moral behavior. However, we can also understand and regulate our own emotions, accept and learn from the imperfections of ourselves and others, and make our own changes to avoid derogation from those who do good, so that we and others can live better lives.
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