In the complex and changeable modern social environment, emotions are pulled, personalities are misunderstood, and trust is overdrawn. These are the norm. To live clearly, proactively and not lost in such an environment, one must establish a set of psychological principles and behavioral boundaries of one's own.
This article proposes 10 principles for social psychology construction to help you protect yourself, enhance your sense of control in reality, and no longer passively bear the emotions and expectations of others.
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1. Reduce reliance on emotional feedback
The less you rely on other people’s emotional responses, the easier it is to maintain self-consciousness.
Although emotional needs are human instincts, once they are excessive, they will make people lose their judgment. You should not place your self-worth on the gift of external emotions, but focus on your own goals, growth and love.
Practical advice : Spend more time on things that really make you invest in, such as reading, creating, and learning skills, and replace external dependencies with inner satisfaction.
2. Sneezing at your trust
Trust is a high-value resource that should be screened and established in caution.
It’s not that you are indifferent, but that it’s that it’s too common to abuse trust in the contemporary social environment. You should learn to recognize people, understand and engage slowly, rather than be blind and enthusiastic. Maintaining moderate alertness is a kind of self-protection.
Practical advice : Before going deep into the relationship, judge his character and sense of boundaries by observing the other party’s way of dealing with conflicts and responding to other people’s requests.
3. Manage your 'passive charm'
When you 'haven't spoken', others have made a judgment on you.
Passive charm is not innate, but is built through details such as behavior, demeanor, tone, and dress. It determines whether you are easily respected, heard, and remembered.
Practical suggestions : Practice standing posture, eye communication, speed and tone, adjust your dressing style, and establish your own personality label.
4. Continuously accumulate confidence and ability
Savings are not for showing off, but for giving you the courage to 'say no' in your interpersonal relationships.
Education, skills, resume, and cognition all constitute the capital you are not attached to or pleased with. Every accumulation is a bargaining chip for you to take the initiative in the future.
Practical suggestions : Regularly learn new skills, do projects, accumulate works, and continue to advance even if it is slow.
5. Obtain benign dopamine through exercise
Exercise gives you longer-term, controlled happiness and motivation than short videos or sweets.
Dopamine affects mood, concentration and self-control. Exercise can activate positive neural mechanisms, helping you stabilize your emotions and reduce social dependence.
Practical advice : Light aerobic exercise (running, swimming, yoga) 3 times a week, and give priority to the ways you can stick to it.
6. Cultivate the sense of value of 'expertism'
Letting yourself 'do it in a certain field that others can't do' can significantly enhance your self-identity and social influence.
Becoming an expert does not necessarily mean becoming a top player, but that you have abilities and accumulation beyond ordinary people in some aspects. This ability will become an important pillar of your sense of self-security.
Practical suggestions : Choose a direction you are willing to invest in for a long time and set a clear learning plan, such as 'proficient in video editing within half a year' and 'systematically write 10 blogs'.
7. Use review instead of self-blame
Self-blame is an inefficient internal friction, and review is the tool that truly takes you out of the quagmire.
Many people are used to punishing themselves with self-blame, but this does not bring about changes. Instead, it makes people feel powerless. What you need to establish is a closed loop of rational thinking: identifying problems → summarizing experience → optimizing behavior.
Practical suggestions : Use the method of 'writing three sentences' to review: 'What happened?' 'What is the problem?' 'What can I do next time?'
8. Have moderate aggression
Aggression is not about hurting people, but about taking the initiative in social interaction.
In social interaction, people who are not aggressive are often more likely to be ignored, ignored, and cross boundaries. Moderate expression of dissatisfaction and fighting for rights and interests is the prerequisite for establishing respect.
Practical advice : Practice saying 'no' in non-hard occasions, such as 'This arrangement is not suitable for me, can we re-discuss it?'
9. Learn to keep confidential and control information exposure
In social interaction, it is not 'If you say more, people will understand you better', but 'If you say more, people will respect you more.'
Don’t just talk about your privacy, and don’t easily believe that others can keep your secrets secrets secrets. The collapse of many relationships is due to information asymmetry and abuse.
Practical advice : Develop alternative output methods such as writing diaries, private voice memos, anonymous tree holes, etc., and don’t expose yourself to people who are not worth it.
10. Slow down and make decisions
The more important the decision is, the more worth delayed it is. If it is made a little slower, it will be clearer.
Emotion-driven decisions will most likely lead to regret. Especially in interpersonal decisions (such as whether to disconnect, whether to trust, or invest in feelings), time is needed to settle and rationally evaluate.
Practical recommendation : Use the '24-hour pause method', and do not respond immediately to important decisions, but wait for one night and simulate several results before making decisions.
Conclusion: Not a better person, but a more selective person
The end point of each suggestion is not to make you 'better', but to be more self-sustaining and autonomous , and to have your own order and choice in complex interpersonal relationships. You can choose a few of the things that are most suitable for the present to practice. Even if you only implement one or two, it will make you more sober and proactive in socializing.
May you always have strength, direction and confidence in the interpersonal world.
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