Have you ever encountered such a situation: you are talking to someone, but the other person doesn’t seem to understand what you mean, or disagrees with your point of view, or even quarrels with you. You feel aggrieved, angry, and helpless. Do you think, why is communication so difficult?
In fact, communication is not a difficult thing. As long as you master some methods and techniques, you can make your communication with others smoother, more effective, and more enjoyable. What is the purpose of communication? It’s about making yourself and the other person feel good, not about arguing about who is right and who is wrong. So, what do you do to achieve this? Below, I will teach you some communication methods and techniques to improve your communication skills to a higher level.
Three purposes of communication
First of all, you need to understand that communication has three purposes:
- Amplify positive emotions, express love and care, and share happiness;
- Release negative emotions and seek help;
- Make certain suggestions to produce good results.
When you communicate with others, think about what your purpose is, and then choose the appropriate method and language. For example, if your goal is to amplify positive emotions, you can praise the other person more, say more positive words, and share more interesting things. If your goal is to release negative emotions, you can find a trusted person, honestly express your feelings, and ask for understanding and support. If your purpose is to make some suggestions, you can first understand the other person’s needs and difficulties before giving your suggestions, while respecting the other person’s choice.
Four major communication strategies
Secondly, you need to master some communication strategies to make your communication more effective. Here are four commonly used communication strategies:
- Listen. Listening is the basis of communication and the art of communication. When listening, pay attention to the following points:
- Don’t interrupt the other person, wait until the other person stops speaking before expressing your opinion;
- During the listening process, make sounds such as ‘um…’ and ‘yes…’ to express your agreement with the other party;
- The better way is to keep letting the other party speak. The more you keep listening, the more effective the communication will be;
- In the communication process, 80% is listening, the remaining 20% is talking, and of the 20% speaking, asking questions accounts for 80%. When it comes to asking questions, the simpler and clearer the better, the answer is either yes or no. , and express it with a comfortable attitude and a gentle tone, then the acceptance level of most people will be extremely high.
- Don’t point out the other person’s mistakes. How can communication be good if the purpose of your communication is to constantly prove others wrong? Have you ever met a person who thinks he is right about everything and constantly tries to prove it, but is very unpopular? Therefore, you might as well let the person you are communicating with not lose his position, but also allow him to measure things from another perspective, and let him decide what is good or bad. Study Abroad reminds you that there is no right or wrong in everything, it’s just whether it suits you or not. The same is true for communication.
- Use the ‘strongly agree…and at the same time…’ pattern. If you don’t agree with the other person’s ideas, you still need to listen carefully to what they really mean. To express a different opinion, I would never say, ‘You’re right, but I think…’ I would say, ‘I appreciate your opinion, I think it’s a great idea, and I have another point. Let’s study each other’s opinions and see what method is best for each other…” “I agree with your point of view, and at the same time…” I don’t say “but…” “but…” because these two words will Broken bridges of communication. The point is: top communicators have a way of ’entering other people’s channels’ and making others like them, thereby gaining trust and expressing opinions that are easily adopted by the other party.
- Properly utilize the three elements of communication. The three major elements of face-to-face communication are words, voice and body language. After 60 years of research by behavioral scientists, in face-to-face communication, the influence ratio of the three major elements is 7% of words, 38% of voice, and 55% of body language. Most people often emphasize the content of speech, but ignore the importance of voice and body language. In fact, communication is about achieving consistency and entering other people’s channels, that is, your voice and body language should make the other party feel that what you say and what you think are very consistent, otherwise, the other party will not be able to receive the correct message. Therefore, you should constantly find consistency in content, voice, and body movements when communicating.
Imitate the other person’s voice and body language
In neurolinguistics, people can be divided into three types: visual, auditory, and tactile.
- Characteristics of the visual type: speaking quickly, irritably, breathing rapidly, and breathing from the throat.
- Characteristics of the auditory type: Speech speed is slightly slower, the voice is softer, you don’t even look at the other person when talking to them, and you breathe from the diaphragm.
- Characteristics of the tactile type: After speaking a sentence, you sometimes have to think for a moment, and then continue speaking the next sentence, very slowly, and breathe from below the navel.
If people who are visual and tactile communicate, the difference in conversation speed between the two may cause them to feel incoordinated and unable to enter the other party’s channel. Therefore, you can use imitation to enter other people’s channels. The method is that when you can imitate the other person’s voice and body language, the other person will immediately start to like you. Because when your body language is similar to the other person’s, you already have 55% in common with him. Add in the imitation of his voice, and you have 93% in common. This will be much more effective than trying to build a relationship with the other party. Imitating the other person is not disrespectful but more respectful, because you communicate with him from his position instead of measuring it by your own standards. The best communicators are like water and can enter any container, so they can be completely at ease in any situation.
Seven solutions to poor communication
Finally, you need to learn how to deal with poor communication situations so that your communication is not hindered. Sometimes, you may encounter some communication barriers, such as the other party does not understand you, or does not respect you, or has conflicts with you. These situations can make you feel frustrated and even want to give up communication. But don’t be discouraged. You can use the following seven solutions to improve your communication:
- Question 1: Am I willing to do something now to make the communication situation better? This question can help you adjust your mentality and give you a more positive attitude to face communication problems instead of avoiding them. Or complain.
- Question 2: What is my definition of this thing? Write the definition on paper. This question can help you clarify your thinking and let you know how you see the situation rather than being swayed by what others think.
- Question 3: Is the definition I am giving now a wrong interpretation? Or looking at it from the wrong angle? Do I have all the possible information to decide that this must be the case? This question can help you open up your mind The idea of allowing you to consider more possibilities instead of stubbornly insisting on your own point of view.
- Question 4: What other possible meanings does this matter have? This question can help you find more value and allow you to understand this matter from different perspectives instead of just seeing the superficial phenomenon.
- Question 5: Do I need to change my perspective on things? This question can help you adjust your perspective so that you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see the problem from the other person’s perspective instead of just considering your own feelings.
- Question 6: How can I communicate more effectively now, so that each other can make progress in communication and enhance each other’s interpersonal relationships? This question can help you find a better way of communication, so that you can use more appropriate language and Communicate through behavior rather than through conflict or resistance.
- Question 7: What are the benefits of these things happening? This question can help you find more positive effects so that you can learn and grow from them instead of only seeing the negative effects.
Every time you encounter poor communication, you should write down the answers to these questions on paper. It will help you overcome the difficulties of poor communication and find better ways to communicate.
Summarize
Communication is a skill as well as an art. If you want to improve your communication skills, you must learn more, practice more, and reflect more. You have to remember that the purpose of communication is to make yourself and the other person feel good, not to argue about who is right or wrong. You need to master some communication methods and skills to make your communication smoother, more effective, and more enjoyable. You need to learn how to deal with poor communication situations so that your communication is not hindered.
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