In many countries, Mother’s Day falls on this Sunday. If you believe the advertising, that means you’d better buy your mom roses and jewelry—maybe even a new car if you can manage it.
So, what’s the best gift for Mother’s Day? It depends on your mom’s personality type. A Diplomat Mom might appreciate a meaningful note, while a Defender Mom might prefer a physical gift, like a handbag that reminds her of you.
We all have different preferences when it comes to showing love. Some of us are more than happy to announce our feelings (on a giant screen if possible), while others of us feel more natural doing acts of service, making handmade items, or even writing a heartfelt note . The good news is that there is no wrong way to express gratitude for the mother figures in our lives.
Sometimes, we may need to step out of our comfort zone a little bit. By considering your mother’s personality type, you can turn this Mother’s Day into an opportunity to share your love in a way that truly resonates with her.
And that doesn’t mean you have to buy her a new car—we promise.
Analyst Mother
If you have an Analyst (INTJ/INTP/ENTP/ENTJ) mother, she may act like she doesn’t care about Mother’s Day – and she probably doesn’t.
Analysts are the personality types least likely to make a fuss about special occasions, whether it’s going out to dinner, dressing up, or giving gifts.
But that doesn’t mean the Analyst Mother won’t appreciate special treatment. Here are some tips:
- Give acts of service as gifts. This might mean helping with household maintenance, cooking, or handling chores she doesn’t enjoy. A gift of this practical nature means something to her, and she’ll appreciate that you’ve helped lighten her load.
- Set aside time for quality conversations. Read some long-form articles beforehand to create material for a lively discussion. (Bonus points if you know something about a topic she’s particularly interested in.)
Research has found that up to 93% of analysts prefer in-depth conversations to small talk. So put down your phone and give this conversation your full attention.
If you wish, write a message on the card listing the things you appreciate and admire about her. Analyst personalities may shy away from public displays of emotion, but 83% enjoy receiving compliments. Solution: Seal the card in an envelope and let her read it on her own time. She may or may not mention the card, let alone save it, but at least you’ve shared your feelings—and who knows, she might be moved.
Diplomatic Mother
Diplomat personalities include: INFJ/INFP/ENFJ/ENFP
‘You don’t have to do anything for Mother’s Day, honey,’ your diplomat mother might tell you. Ignore this.
People with the Diplomat personality love giving gifts more than any other type, and although they may not show it, they often feel hurt when others don’t reciprocate. That said, when it comes to gifts, many diplomats enjoy sharing experiences with their loved ones as much as opening gorgeous gifts.
So, how do you express your concern to a diplomat mother? Here are some ideas:
- Verbal expressions of love mean a lot to Diplomats. Write a long, heartfelt message on the card, or - better yet - have a conversation about how much you love and appreciate her.
- Many Diplomat individuals prefer handmade or personal gifts to the most luxurious items. So instead of swiping your card at the mall, make a custom herbal tea blend, paint a picture, or create a special playlist.
- Support your mother’s interests and passions. If she likes plants, garden with her. If she likes theater, take her to a matinee.
- When in doubt, create an opportunity to spend quality time together. This can be as simple as grabbing a batch of cookies and sitting on the couch talking. Again: put your phone away.
Defender Mother
Defender personalities include: ISTJ/ISFJ/ESTJ/ESFJ
Family is important to people with a Defender personality. More than any other personality type, Defenders say the most important factor in determining their happiness is their family and friends.
The upshot: If you have a guardian mother, treat Mother’s Day as a day to spend time with her and other family members—or, if you don’t live within walking distance of a visit, at least schedule a phone or video call.
Here are other suggestions for showing love to your Defender Mother:
-Defender mothers often prefer concrete gifts such as cards and presents. (Bonus points if you wrap the gift beautifully.)
- Create a tradition or maintain an old tradition. This might mean bringing her breakfast to bed, hosting a family gathering, a trip to a local garden or park, or looking at old family photos together.
It’s totally okay to choose a family-based activity. Of all personality types, Defenders are most interested in spending time at home.
Whatever you do together, treat it like an important event: don’t wear sloppy clothes and—you guessed it—don’t look down on your phone.
Explorer Mother
Explorer personalities include: ISTP/ISFP/ESTP/ESFP
For the explorer mother, Mother’s Day—just like any other day—is an opportunity for new experiences and joy. In other words, she might not want to go to the same brunch spot you went to last year, and staying home might not be her thing.
So, how do you make Mother’s Day fun and memorable for Explorer types? Please read on:
- Unless you know what she really wants, focus on experiences rather than items as gifts.
-Plan a trip, but don’t tell her where to go. Ask her to clear her schedule in the morning, afternoon, or evening and tell her you’ll take care of the rest. Explorers are more likely than other personality types to follow other people’s plans rather than making their own. - Take her to places she has never been. This might mean taking her to a yoga or dance class, trying a new cuisine in a nearby town or city, or renting a kayak and paddling on a river or lake together.
Summarize
Let’s be honest: No matter how happy the families in ads and TV shows look, Mother’s Day isn’t always a day of sunshine and roses. Even on this day dedicated to celebrating mothers and their contributions, old patterns and arguments may arise among family members. Despite our best efforts, the day may not be perfect.
So what can you do? Here’s our best advice: Know your mother’s personality type and express your love on Mother’s Day in a way that she can feel and appreciate. In addition to resolving old tensions, this approach has the potential to create new patterns of connection and understanding. So plan any experience or gift around something meaningful to her, even if it takes you out of your comfort zone. The result may be the most memorable Mother’s Day she’s experienced in years.
Do you have any good gift ideas for your mother’s personality type? Share your suggestions in the comments below!
Not sure what your mother’s personality type is? You can try to encourage her to take our free MBTI personality test .
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