Understand the characteristics, causes and dangers of the pleaser personality. Test yourself for a people-pleaser personality and learn effective ways to get out of the “people-pleasing” dilemma. Learn to say no, establish boundaries, improve self-confidence, regain control of life, and live your true self.
In life, do you always habitually suppress your own needs and prioritize the feelings of others? Are you afraid of saying no to others, even if you feel reluctant to do so? Do you care too much about other people’s opinions and lack self-confidence? If your answer to these questions is yes, then you may be a ‘pleaser.’
What is a pleaser personality?
**Pleasing personality, also known as ingratiating personality, refers to a personality trait that is excessively other-centered and suppresses one’s own needs and feelings. ** People with a pleaser personality tend to be insecure and need to constantly please others to gain approval and love. They fear conflict, rejection, and failure, so they try to avoid expressing their true thoughts and feelings.
Typical manifestations of a pleaser personality
People with a pleaser personality will have many typical behaviors in daily life, such as:
- Afraid to speak their inner thoughts: They are worried that their ideas will not be accepted by others, afraid of being isolated and attacked, so they always choose to hide their true thoughts.
- Like to apologize proactively: Even if they feel bored inside, they will choose to apologize in order to avoid conflict, hoping to end the unpleasantness as soon as possible.
- Catering to others: In social situations, they always agree with other people’s opinions and dare not raise objections, even if they don’t agree with them in their hearts.
- Don’t know how to say no: They are afraid that they will be disliked if they reject others. In order to maintain a good relationship on the surface, they will agree to other people’s requests even if they are unwilling in their hearts.
- No principles and bottom lines: In order to maintain harmonious relationships with others, they sometimes blindly please others and lose their own principles and bottom lines.
- Hesitant to speak, afraid of offending others: They always carefully consider their words and worry about offending others by saying the wrong thing. They are very sensitive and easily affected by other people’s words.
Test your people-pleasing personality tendencies:
- Self-assessment of the pleaser personality: Test your pleaser health index (30 questions)
-Are you a pleaser? 26 questions to test your true personality!
-Pleasing personality test: What type of ‘good person’ are you?
Reasons for the formation of the please-pleaser personality
The formation of a pleaser personality is usually related to the following factors:
- Low self-recognition: They essentially feel that they are not worthy of being loved, are insecure, and need to constantly please others to prove the value of their existence.
- Parents who have too much control over their children: These parents do not treat their children as independent individuals, but as their own appendages, controlling everything and ignoring their children’s thoughts and feelings.
- Parents have too high expectations for their children: This type of parents always puts forward too high demands on their children and does not allow their children to fail, making them feel that only by meeting their parents’ expectations can they receive love, which leads to children being depressed in interpersonal interactions. Meet your own needs and strive to meet the expectations of others.
- Lack of care and affirmation in childhood: These people lack care and affirmation from their parents or other significant others in their childhood, resulting in a low sense of self-worth and the need to gain recognition by catering to others.
The dangers of a pleaser personality
A pleaser personality will bring many negative effects to the individual:
- Loss of self easily: They are used to suppressing their own feelings, giving up their own ideas and needs in order to cater to others, and eventually lose themselves, and may even develop psychological problems.
- Interpersonal Abnormality: Although they long for love, they are afraid of love. They worry about gains and losses in intimate relationships, making it difficult to establish a healthy relationship. At work, they also lack self-confidence, dare not take responsibility, and find it difficult to gain the respect of others.
- Understand more pressure: They don’t know how to refuse and always agree to other people’s requests, even if they are beyond their capabilities, causing themselves to be under tremendous pressure.
- Afraid to show their strength: They are afraid that their excellence will cause negative emotions in others, so they dare not show their strength and miss many opportunities.
How to get rid of the pleaser personality?
Changing a pleaser personality is a long process that requires constant self-awareness and hard work. Here are some ways to help you get rid of your people-pleaser personality:
- Learn to Say No: Don’t be afraid to say no to others, you have the right to say no. You can try to practice saying no by starting with small things, such as saying no to cold calls or unreasonable requests.
- Establish boundary awareness: Clarify your own bottom line, what things you cannot accept, what things you are willing to do, and firmly maintain your boundaries.
- Accept the guilt of rejection: It’s normal to feel guilty after rejecting others, but don’t compromise because of it and believe that you made the right decision.
- Learn to love yourself and improve your self-confidence: Believe that you are worthy of being loved, don’t care too much about other people’s evaluations, focus on yourself, do things you like, and develop your own interests and hobbies.
- Learn to express your needs: Don’t be afraid to express your thoughts and feelings, be brave enough to speak out your needs and let others know what you really think.
- Seek professional help: If your pleaser personality has seriously affected your life, it is recommended to seek help from a professional psychological counselor.
Related reading: 4 major fears of people-pleasing personality: How to get rid of the ’nice guy disease’?
Conclusion
**Pleasing personality is not a disease, but an unhealthy personality pattern. ** As long as you are willing to change, you will be able to get rid of the troubles of the people-pleasing personality and live your true self. Remember, you live your life for yourself, not to please others. When you can be comfortable being yourself, your relationships will be healthier and more harmonious.
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