In close relationships, we often feel discomfort and alienated because of different communication styles. The most common and most overlooked conflict pattern comes from the difference between 'E person' (extrovert) and 'I person' (introvert) in the MBTI personality test .
You may have experienced such scenarios:
One desires to maintain intimacy through frequent interactions, while the other feels tired and even depressed in passive silence.
One person tends to 'speak while thinking' and hopes to solve the problem through communication, while another person needs to 'be calm and alone first, and then express slowly.'
This is not a question of who is right and who is wrong, but a true manifestation of the difference between the two energy modes of extroversion and introversion in love.
Want to know if you are E or I? Welcome to click on the test:
👉 I people E people test portal
'Poor communication preference' from the perspective of MBTI
In the MBTI personality system, Extraversion (E) and Introversion (I) are not judgments of social abilities, but how individuals can obtain psychological energy:
- E : Gain energy by 'talking, communicating, and contacting others'
- I : Restore energy through 'quietness, contemplation, and solitude'
Therefore, in a romantic relationship, the communication rhythm, expression needs and emotional processing methods of the two are easily misaligned :
| Situation | Possible performance of E person | Possible reactions of I |
|---|---|---|
| When you are in a bad mood | Need to talk and respond | Needs quiet and space |
| When a dispute occurs | Communicate and resolve immediately | Retreat first and then think |
| Daily interaction | Like to communicate frequently | Prefer low frequency but deep |
| Express emotions | Rich language, high frequency | Express carefully, be restrained |
When this difference is not noticed or understood, it will evolve into a misunderstanding: 'Do you don't love me anymore?' 'Why do you always not respond?' 'Why are you always so clingy?'... These are not real emotional issues, but communication frictions caused by inconsistent character operation mechanisms .
How to alleviate the communication conflict between E people vs I people?
1. Understand and accept each other’s energy sources
For a good intimate relationship, you must first have a 'non-judgmental understanding' of the differences. People E are not 'too noisy', and people I are not 'too cold' - they just have different emotional charging methods.
It is recommended that both of them do a complete personality test and establish a common language:
- PsycTest Quiz MBTI official free test portal
- MBTI Advanced Personality Profile, Get Deeper Love Suggestions
2. Protocol communication: Give the other party the right rhythm
The misalignment of communication rhythm between E and I often leads to conflicts more easily than the content itself. The solution is: set 'negotiable communication rules'.
- People E must learn to ' give space ': not all problems must be explained immediately, and waiting is respect for people I.
- People should learn to ' preview quietness ': use brief but explanatory language to explain 'I need to be alone now, let's talk later.'
This kind of 'emotional contract' reached in advance is far more effective than explanation after an argument.
3. Different ways of expressing love: Don’t use your own standards to demand each other
People E may think “I love you = I say more, do more, and participate more”, while people I may think “I love you = I am willing to leave time outside of being alone”.
In other words, do not regard 'frequency of expression' as a measure of 'how much love'. For I, in-depth conversations once a day may be far better than E's ten greetings 'What are you doing' for.
You can try to explore your love expression pattern from another perspective:
-Love personality color test: Six-type love personality assessment, test your love style and exclusive colors
- HLWP Love Personality Test: Discover your core traits in intimate relationships
4. People E should slow down their pace, and people I should learn to respond
E people often show proactiveness and expression in intimate relationships, but pay attention to whether their expressions oppress the other person's sense of space. Active ≠ control, enthusiasm ≠ high frequency output.
People should also realize that silence or lack of feedback can easily lead the other party to misunderstand it as indifference or avoidance. There are not necessarily many responses, but there must be warm and signal.
Small suggestions: You can set up 'regular conversation time', such as a weekly non-interference communication, so that E has something to say and I has prepared to say.
Love is not synchronized, but understands each other's different rhythms
In intimate relationships, the deepest connection is not 'similar personality', but 'emotional mechanisms are understood.' People E and people I are not combinations of natural conflicts, but opportunities for mirroring and complementary growth .
As long as you are willing to understand the other party's 'psychological charging method', even if your thinking is completely different, you can still build a deep and flexible relationship together.
This article is originally compiled by PsycTest Quiz official website (psychtest.cn), and is committed to providing professional and systematic personality assessment content. We believe that psychological cognition is the starting point for all good relationships.
Link to this article: https://m.psyctest.cn/article/Bmd7jqxV/
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