In an intimate relationship, you may have asked: Do I need someone to love me, or do I really love this person? If my psychological and physical needs can be satisfied by this object, can this attachment object be anyone who can meet these conditions? Back to the starting point, do I know how to love?
What is the difference between love and attachment? !
🪐 A. Attachment
The emotional relationship established between human infants and caregivers will bring a sense of security with the caregiver; attachment patterns will also affect how adults establish emotionally supportive social relationships with others.
🪐 B.Love
A complex emotion full of strong love and tenderness for the object of love. There is a pleasurable feeling of being in the object’s presence, and you are concerned about the object’s welfare and sensitive to his reactions. The triangle theory of love proposes that love consists of passion, intimacy, and commitment.
Whether we are in a love or attachment relationship with a person, we seem to have an emotional connection to that person. But the biggest difference between the two may be whether you care more about yourself or your significant other.
When we love each other, we can compromise with the other person’s needs and create space to put the other person first, even though our own needs are important. Love cares about the other person and us, and it depends on the mutual fulfillment of both parties, not the sacrifice of one side! On the contrary, attachment can be said to be selfish, because attachment only cares about whether one’s own needs are met. Whether the other party can meet my needs seems to determine whether the relationship is good or bad, so the relationship feels ups and downs.
And because of the above reasons, when the other person is simply an attachment object, you often hope to change the other person to meet your own needs. Of course you can’t accept that the other person can’t satisfy your flaws one by one! But on the contrary, love is accepting the other person as they are, including their imperfections and bad habits in your eyes.
How should we love?
From birth, we practice how to love the people around us, including family, friends, teachers, etc. In fact, loving different objects often requires different expressions, because everyone is unique. So every time we face someone new, we may feel timid because we are not sure how to love, but this is human nature. Loving each individual requires us to learn and practice again!
Learning how to love can start by observing the needs of the other person. For example: When your partner worked late last night, prepare a rich lunch for him so he can enjoy a relaxing weekend. When you focus on the other person instead of yourself and think from the other person’s perspective, you begin to learn to love.
Many times we spend all our energy just trying to find someone who loves us, but we forget that love requires not only receiving, but also giving and taking action. Love has many shapes. What is love in your eyes?
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