How does INFP stop pleasing others? Guide to flattering personality from the perspective of MBTI personality testing

Interpersonal/Social personal growth 2020 1

As a typical INFP personality type (mediator type) in the MBTI type 16 personality , you may be born with strong empathy, not only sensitively perceive your own emotions, but also delicately experience the joys, sorrows and sorrows of others. When a friend sends an invitation you don't want to accept, the other person's disappointment appears in your mind; when you want to express your true views, you are worried about creating conflicts, so you swallow the words back.

This behavior of putting others' emotions first and constantly suppressing one's own needs is a typical manifestation of ' pleasant personality '. Although your original intention is to make others comfortable, you often feel tired, depressed, or even lost.

So, why is INFP more likely to fall into a pleasing personality? How can we get rid of this internal friction model and live out our true self? This article will analyze the internal mechanism of INFP from the perspective of personality psychology and provide 3 practical strategies to help you gradually break the shackles of 'habitual obedience'.

Why is INFP easy to please others?

INFP is called 'idealists' who yearn for harmony, value emotions, and have a strong sense of morality. But it is these qualities that make them easily fall into an imbalance in reality: in the process of pursuing 'relationship harmony', they gradually sacrifice their true feelings and sense of boundaries.

Especially when facing potential conflict scenarios, INFP's brain will start the 'disaster rehearsal' mode to make up for a series of worst possible situations, such as hurting others, destroying relationships, and causing misunderstandings... So, in order to avoid all this, they choose to default, cooperate, and remain silent.

The survey on PsycTest Quiz official website (psychtest.cn) shows:

83% of INFPs say they often promise what they don’t want to do out of fear of disappointing others;
88% of INFPs admit that they often hide their true thoughts in order not to make others unhappy - this is the highest proportion of all MBTI personality types.

When this behavioral habit becomes a daily default reaction, a pleasing personality is quietly formed . You may still maintain the image of 'kindness' and 'considerity', but deep down you start to feel tired, frustrated, and even gradually lose yourself in the relationship.

INFP-T vs INFP-A: The difference is not just in the suffix

It is worth noting that not all INFPs perform the same. The 'identity type' dimension of MBTI further divides INFP into INFP-T (turbulent type) and INFP-A (confident type) .

88% of INFP-Ts said they would fall into self-doubt because they care about other people's opinions;
In contrast, only 33% of INFP-As have similar problems.

This shows that: INFP-T is more likely to fall into pleasing behavior because they are more likely to feel guilty, fear of conflict, and worry more about being 'not good enough'; while INFP-A is more confident and can express their boundaries and needs more clearly.

If you want to further understand which INFP you belong to, you can get a detailed report through our free MBTI personality test , or you can read the MBTI advanced personality profile in depth to learn more about your personality characteristics and growth suggestions in relationships, workplace, self-cognition, etc.

Three practical strategies to help INFP get out of the dilemma

Strategy 1: Space for 'delayed answers' for yourself

INFP's empathy ability allows you to often feel the expectations of others at the first time, but what you need is: leave yourself enough time to feel the true answers in your heart.

When someone makes a request to you, you can practice responding like this:

'I want to confirm my status these days. Can you reply to you tomorrow?'
'Thank you for thinking about me, I need some time to think about it.'
'Can I think about it tonight and then tell you tomorrow morning?'

This is not a refusal, but a way to be responsible for one's own feelings. If the other party cannot accept your request for some space for thinking, maybe he doesn't really care about your state.

Strategy 2: Use writing to clarify your emotions

Many INFPs have very complex and delicate emotions, but they are often 'unspeakable'. At this time, you can use writing to clarify:

Write down what you really want to say, what you worry about, and the boundaries you hope to reach;
When looking back, adjust the expression in gentler language;
After writing, you can choose to say it verbally, or even post text directly.

Writing is the bridge for emotions to move from chaos to clarity. It can help you visualize vague emotions and give you the courage to face communication.

Strategy Three: Activate your 'positive imagination'

INFP's imagination is often hijacked by anxiety, and his mind is filled with pictures such as 'will others misunderstand me' and 'will the relationship break down'. But you can totally train it to point in a positive direction:

Imagine a friend you trust encounters the same situation, what would you encourage him to do?
Imagine that after you express your truth, the other party will understand and accept it, and the relationship will become more sincere;
Recalling a situation where you bravely express your needs, the result is actually better than you think.

Your imagination is originally your power, making it a helper for you to build confidence and boundaries, rather than dragging you into the whirlpool.

Recommended test: Test whether you have a pleasing personality tendency

If you often feel that 'others are happy, but I am tired', you might as well try the following free psychological tests to help you realize whether there are patterns of pleasing behavior:

These tests are produced by PsycTest Quiz official website (psychtest.cn), which helps you understand your behavior patterns more objectively and also provides direction for subsequent adjustments.

At the end: Gentleness does not mean sacrificing oneself

Stop pleasing is not about making you feel cold or tough, but about reminding you that your feelings are equally important.

You can be gentle and firm; considerate and loyal to others and be loyal to yourself. You deserve to be understood and also deserve to have a healthy and equal relationship. And it all starts with your willingness to stop and listen to your true voice.

Welcome to further understand your personality type through the free MBTI personality test , or upgrade to view MBTI's advanced personality profiles for more in-depth personality insights and growth guidance.

More INFP-related content recommendations:

Link to this article: https://m.psyctest.cn/article/1MdZPm5b/

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