Test your possessiveness and control index in love! In-depth analysis of the psychological roots of pathological jealousy and identification of excessive restraint and dominance behaviors. Understand the possessive tendencies of MBTI and zodiac signs, find the key to balancing exclusivity and freedom, and build a healthy relationship based on trust together.
Have you ever interpreted intense jealousy or overly controlling behavior in an intimate relationship as 'all because of love'? Moderate possessiveness is human nature and a sweet manifestation of love and care. However, once this desire is over-expanded and reaches a pathological level, it will be twisted into a dangerous desire for control and become an emotional 'love killer.'
True love is respect, trust, and wanting the other person to be happy. But the essence of possessiveness and control is often selfish desire and request. It is more like power and dominance over a partner.
So, how to identify and control this complex emotion and avoid turning love into kidnapping? Let us deeply explore the roots and manifestations of possessiveness in love through a psychological perspective.
Psychological analysis of possessiveness and love
Possessiveness is a psychological phenomenon that refers to the desire caused by the interaction of various emotions such as uneasiness, jealousy, and anger that we feel when the person or thing we like may be approached or possessed by others.
Possessiveness does not equal love:
Although being possessed by the person you love can satisfy our expectations for love and make people feel valued, possessiveness cannot be equated with love. Love is a selfless desire for a partner to be happy and free, and to encourage mutual growth. Excessive possessiveness, on the other hand, is more like treating your partner as 'something that belongs to you' out of selfish motives to protect yourself.
People who are possessive may not be able to see their own advantages due to low self-esteem, believe that they are unattractive, and worry that their partners will fall in love with them at any time. Therefore, they can only seek love stability through possession.
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Uncovering the inner roots of the desire for control
Why do some people exhibit pathological control? Psychology points out that excessive possessiveness and control are not innate, but are the result of acquired environment, growth experience and self-perception.
- Extreme inferiority and insecurity: The root cause of excessive possessiveness is extreme inner inferiority . People who lack self-confidence are afraid of losing each other and will transform their strong fear of loss into possessive behavior of self-defense. This insecurity may stem from the influence of the original family, such as the lack of 'unconditional love' in childhood, resulting in 'basic anxiety', and in adulthood the eagerness to get more love from a partner to make up for the lack.
- Self-centered and dominant: People who are possessive often prioritize their own thoughts and feelings and tend to ignore their partner's feelings. They may lack self-awareness and believe that the world should revolve around themselves and control the other person as their own property, thus forcibly arranging their partner's life, work and social interaction.
- Pathological jealousy: Possessive people are often accompanied by strong jealousy. Pathological jealousy is the root cause of excessive possessiveness, which manifests itself in the restriction of a partner's personal freedom, monitoring, surveillance, tracking and even domestic violence. If this 'alarm system' is overly sensitive, it will be harmful to both parties.
Typical manifestations of high possessiveness and control
Strong possessiveness will eventually evolve into a desire for control, which manifests itself not only in emotional worries about gains and losses, but also in clear behavioral interference, which places a heavy burden on the relationship.
| behavior type | Typical performance (unisex) |
|---|---|
| Excessive restraint and surveillance | They are required to report their whereabouts at any time, and are even required to provide location or photo proof. Regularly check your partner's phone, browsing history, or social circles. |
| Emotional mysophobia and jealousy | Mind if your partner gets too close to someone of the opposite sex or talks too deeply. She is very concerned about her partner's friend circle, and even hopes that all friends of the opposite sex must be reviewed by herself. Declare sovereignty in a crowd through physical contact (such as clasping hands, hugging). |
| Lack of trust and suspicion | Often doubting what your partner says, and trying to find out the 'truth' behind your partner's back. He is sensitive at heart and often performs small theater. |
| Forcible arrangement and control | Always making decisions on your partner's behalf, whether it's as small as ordering food or as big as career or vacation planning. Ask your partner to delete friends of the opposite sex on their phone. |
| shirking responsibility | When problems arise between two people, all the fault is not their own, and the responsibility is always placed on the other person. |
Looking at possessive tendencies from MBTI and zodiac signs
Different personality types and zodiac signs show different patterns of possessiveness in love.
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1. Possessiveness of MBTI personality
According to the 'most possessive MBTI' ranking that is hotly discussed on the Internet, the top five are almost all 'J people', and INFP is the only 'P person'.
| Ranking | MBTI type | possessive traits |
|---|---|---|
| TOP 1 | INFP mediator | Very possessive, but not 'controlling'. Love is to devote yourself wholeheartedly, hoping that the other person only sees you. Jealousy is hidden deep in the heart, which is an invisible and deep possessive desire. |
| TOP 2 | INFJ Advocate | Possessing 'spiritual mysophobia'. Once you identify true love, you want the other person to be single-minded and unreserved, and don't like to share emotions. When you feel threatened, possessiveness will surface silently and the emotion will be heavy. |
| TOP 3 | ISFJ Guardian | A typical affectionate person who becomes clingy after being devoted. Possessiveness stems from a strong need for security, and 'occupies' the other person's life through silent giving and care. |
| TOP 4 | ENFJ protagonist | Warm and respectful on the outside, but possessive on the inside. They will silently observe each other's every move, hoping that they will be irreplaceable in their hearts. |
| TOP 5 | ENTJ Commander | Likes to be in control of everything, even relationships. They hope that their partners have clear 'roles' and boundaries. Once the boundaries are exceeded, strong possessiveness will easily break out. |
Note: INTJ (architect) individuals vary greatly. Some claim to have zero possessiveness and trust their partner's independence, while others believe that they are extremely possessive emotionally but can restrain inappropriate behavior with logic.
2. The deeper the love, the stronger the control.
In horoscope analysis, zodiac signs with deep love and obvious desire for control include:
- Virgo (TOP 1): The most self-centered person in love. They analyze love rationally, but the more they fall in love, the more they want to control all the details, which stems from the pursuit of perfection.
- Scorpio (TOP 2): Love is complete possession, with the power of control. The desire to control comes from insecurity, but behind it is sincerity.
- Taurus (TOP 3): After falling in love, they are possessive and want their lover to be completely theirs. Express it through silent companionship and 'stick by' to ensure that nothing goes wrong in love.
- Leo (TOP 4): Likes to take the lead in love and hopes that the other party will respond wholeheartedly. The more you fall in love, the more you want to control the rhythm, for fear of losing the other person’s attention.
- Capricorn: Traditional and chauvinistic in relationships, tending to show control in real life (such as work, money arrangements).
How to build healthy relationships based on trust
Since pathological possessiveness is a psychological problem rather than true love, both the possessive party and the partner must take active measures to balance emotional control and freedom.
1. The possessive party: Make self-adjustments
- Establish an independent sense of self-worth: Love should not be your world. Distract yourself with your favorite sports or hobbies, expand your world, and communicate with people other than your romantic partner.
- Find the source of security: Try to find the source of insecurity (such as family of origin or past experiences) and solve it through writing or communicating with professionals (such as a psychological counselor).
- Learn respect and boundaries: Recognize that your partner is an independent individual and that no one can possess or control other people's lives.
- Develop a sense of insensitivity: Don’t be too shrewd or emotional. When conflicts arise, stay slow and let the man reflect and adjust himself.
2. Partner’s Response: Communication and Boundaries
- Clearly express feelings and bottom line: tell the other party the pressure caused by excessive interference, and let the other party know that you don't like this way of getting along.
- Use the 'universal formula' to communicate demands: When you need to express a request, use the mode of stating facts - expressing feelings - making demands , and slow down your speaking speed, lower your voice, and express gently to achieve the purpose of effective communication.
- Give enough love and affirmation: If possessiveness stems from insecurity, your partner should directly express love, gratitude and affirmation in daily life to help the other person build self-confidence.
- Stay independent and trusting: Have your own social circle and try to trust your partner. Love is not absolutely free, but neither can you force or control the other person to love yourself.
- Acting like a spoiled child satisfies 'animal nature': Men have strong self-esteem, protective and possessive desires, and a woman acting like a spoiled child occasionally (such as asking for help to open a bottle cap or pick up a child) can satisfy the man's sense of accomplishment, thereby taking the initiative in the relationship.
Conclusion and recommendations for love psychology tests
A healthy intimacy concentration should be maintained at about 70 points, leaving the remaining 30 points to yourself to maintain your independent personality. Love is trying to integrate, not forcefully occupying.
If you often feel worried about gains and losses in your relationship, or worry that your partner is too controlling, understanding each other's psychological tendencies is the first step to improving your relationship.
Want to know more about the psychological dynamics of love? Welcome to check out the various free online psychological tests provided by PsycTest Quiz: Love Psychology Test .
Deeply understand your tendency to control in love, find the key to balancing control and freedom in emotions, avoid love kidnapping, and jointly build a healthy relationship based on trust and respect.
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