Have you ever had such a moment: you always think about contacting an old friend you haven't seen for a long time, but time goes by day, but never really takes that step? This kind of 'want to contact but not acted late' is particularly common for introverts. Although it seems to be just a simple chat, a phone call, or an invitation, there are often complex emotions and inner pulls behind it.
And when you look back, that once very important person may have become a 'familiar stranger' in your circle of friends.
This phenomenon is also traceable to MBTI personality test. For example, introverted and emotional depth-oriented 'I people' personality types such as ISFP, INFP, INFJ, ISTJ, INTJ , etc. are more likely to have a state of 'caring about the heart but lagging behind in action' in emotional maintenance. They often attach more importance to deep-level interpersonal relationships, but they are also more likely to hesitate when contacting others due to psychological disorders such as self-criticism and social anxiety.
If you are trapped by the dilemma of 'wanting to contact but not acting for a long time', you might as well understand your MBTI type through the Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test, which will help you better understand your psychological patterns in interpersonal interactions.
PsycTest Quiz: The official latest free MBTI test portal to explore your MBTI personality types.
Why is it so difficult for introverts to just say hello?
'It's just a message, why is it so difficult?' Many people may not understand, but people with introverted personality must empathize with it.
For extroverts, maintaining social connection is a natural behavior, and even superficial interactions can create a sense of pleasure. But for introverts, on the surface, it only takes a few minutes to send a WeChat message or make a phone call. But for introverted personality, there is a complex psychological game behind it:
- Worrying that the other party no longer pays attention to this relationship
- Fear of being misunderstood as 'suddenly appearing just because you have something to ask for'
- It feels too long, it's too embarrassing to reconnect
This kind of thinking too much is very typical among personality types such as INTJ , INFP , INFJ . You may not care less, but you care too much that you choose to remain silent instead.
As time goes by, those friends who were once close gradually changed from 'talking about everything' to 'friends who like it in the circle of friends'.
'Pseudo-connection' brought by social media: connection, or alienation?
With tools such as WeChat, Moments, Weibo, and Xiaohongshu, it is logical that it is difficult for us to 'really lose contact'. But the reality is just the opposite. Social media makes introverts more likely to fall into the trap of 'pseudo-connection'. Introverts can easily fall into an illusion in social media: I still follow you, I know your dynamics, and we are still 'staying in touch'.
Every day you browse your friends' circle of friends and see them traveling, having dinner, and getting promoted. You seem to know the other person's current situation, but you never really interact. You think they look 'good', 'busy' and 'many friends', so they choose not to bother. However, browsing the circle of friends, reading Weibo, and like Xiaohongshu is essentially just passive information consumption, and it cannot truly establish emotional links. What’s worse is that introverts are easily misled by the social image they create:
- A photo of a party makes you think the other person has a rich social relationship, but in fact it may be his only time out in half a year.
- If you say 'I've been busy lately', you dare not disturb me, and ignore that the other party may be seeking comfort.
- With a dynamic of 'friendship is unreliable', you feel that the other party is alluding to you and will never dare to contact you again.
This state of 'visible but inaccessible' will only deepen the distance between each other in the long run, and the relationship will be in name only.
Want to contact me but don't know how to speak? Try the 'simple and sincere' opening remarks
For introverts, the most difficult thing is often to break the silence again. Many people try to explain late contacts with 'I'm too busy lately', but this reason often backfires and makes the other person feel that they are not important in your life.
In fact, a simple and sincere opening remark will have better effect:
'I have been thinking about you recently, and I found that I haven't contacted you for too long. I suddenly want to talk to you.'
'I have been thinking about contacting you, but I don't know how to speak. Today I finally muster up the courage to say 'Long time no see'.'
Such words are more touching than any excuse. The other party will either respond happily or can also tell you the mental journey during this period of time. If the other party is a real friend, he will understand your personality and appreciate your honesty. No matter what the result is, this step can help you get out of the dilemma of self-enclosure.
If you are an introvert who is prone to self-blame like INFP , ISFJ , INFJ , etc., you can refer to the corresponding MBTI personality analysis to learn how to build and maintain a sense of psychological security, and to understand how to establish in-depth links with others.
The 'low cost and high frequency' rule for introverts to maintain friendship
Just like exercise, friendship maintenance needs to be sustained, but not high intensity. The following practices are especially friendly to introverts:
- Like or comment on friends once a week
- Occasionally forward a piece of content you think the other person will like
- Use holidays or anniversary as a connection node for 'nature'
- Share a song, a movie, a news and say 'I remember you'
This kind of light interaction will not only not make you feel socially exhausted, but will also help you slowly restore your emotional connection with the other person. When you maintain this 'weak connection', if there are deeper invitations, such as parties and video chats, it will appear more natural and smoother in the future.
Changing your social patterns does not mean becoming an extroverted personality, but learning to establish your own comfortable and healthy social rhythm.
Not all relationships are worth maintaining: Learn to distinguish emotions from responsibilities
The last and most critical point: not every relationship is worth your recovery .
If that person’s meaning in your life is gone, or if every interaction makes you feel uncomfortable, exhausted, or even hurt, then there is no need to feel guilty for “maintaining relationships.” Introverts often feel guilty about 'lost contact' because of their strong sense of responsibility, but the fact is: some people are just passers-by in your life and are not worthy of your excessive emotional cost.
The MBTI test mentioned that INTP , ISTP , INTJ and other personalities are better at rationally evaluating interpersonal relationships. They know how to give up and it is easier to focus on truly valuable interactions.
You can ask yourself three questions to determine whether the relationship is worth redeeming:
- Do I really miss this person, or am I just missing myself during that period?
- I think I have something to say to him or is it just out of guilt?
- I took the initiative to contact him, do I hope to establish a connection, or just want to 'get something that should be done'?
If the answer tends to be emotional or habitual reactions, then maybe you don’t need to restart the relationship, but you need to let go of the connection.
Of course, if you want to explore your interpersonal preferences, communication methods, and emotional maintenance abilities more in-depth, MBTI Advanced Personality File will provide you with more detailed personalized analysis, help you truly understand the emotional dynamics between yourself and others, provide you with personalized interpretation, help you clarify the essence of interpersonal relationships, and better understand yourself.
FAQ
Is introvert a flaw?
no. Introversion is a normal personality trait. Introvert types in MBTI are usually more thoughtful, empathetic, and more delicate. The key is not to change your personality, but to learn how to build a connection with the world that suits you.
Are introverts necessarily not good at socializing?
uncertain. Many introverts are more profound in interpersonal relationships and are good at listening and understanding. It’s just that they prefer one-on-one deep interaction rather than widespread social interaction.
Which MBTI types are typical introverts?
INFP, ISFJ, INTJ, ISTJ, INFJ, ISFP, etc. in MBTI are all typical introvert types. You can quickly learn which type you belong to through the free MBTI test portal.
Can introverts become extroverts?
The bottom level of personality may not necessarily change, but the behavioral pattern can be trained. Through gradual social practice, introverts can also become more confident and more relaxed.
Summary: Every time you take the initiative, you are self-growth
The growth of introverts is not to become extroverts, but to establish connections
As introverts, we don’t have to be social experts, nor do we have to force ourselves to maintain all our relationships. If you are an introvert, don’t deny yourself just because you are not good at actively contacting, and don’t let the truly important people drift away in silence.
Even just a word 'I miss you', it can restore a relationship to its temperature. And every breakthrough is a step from introverting to a more complete self.
If you are not sure how to take this step, you might as well start by visiting the free MBTI test portal to learn about your MBTI personality type and explore your social behavior patterns. PsycTest Quiz official website (psychtest.cn) also provides more free content related to personality and self-cognition, helping you better find your place in complex interpersonal relationships.
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