In many social occasions, we often encounter a way of interaction that makes people feel overwhelmed - chatting . This seemingly relaxed and casual form of communication may be a natural thing for extroverts, but for introverts , it is a consumption of psychological energy and may even be a social anxiety .
If your MBTI personality test results are introverted types such as INFJ , INTP , ISTJ , INFP , etc., you may feel particularly nervous and awkward when facing a scenario where 'you can chat anything'. This article will combine MBTI theory to analyze the reasons why introverts don’t like chatting, and provide 6 practical social skills to help you deal with it more calmly in necessary social interactions.
👉 Before reading, you can click on the free MBTI personality test to understand your MBTI type, and the content will be more targeted.
Why does an introverted personality like to chat?
First of all, we must be clear: introversion is not that we don’t like to talk, but rather that we tend to think, introspection and in-depth communication . Compared to extroverted personality who likes to 'think while talking', introverts prefer to 'think before talking'.
But 'chat' is often in this form:
- The topic is casual and has no depth;
- The dialogue is fast and requires quick response;
- It happens in a noisy and exciting situation;
- It seems that it doesn't make sense to forget most of the content after chatting.
This is simply a psychological torture for introverts who are accustomed to 'deep information processing'. Sometimes I would rather read and listen to music alone than force myself to 'chat'.
Of course, not all introverts resist chatting. Some INFPs or ISFPs can talk about in front of familiar people. But overall, people with introverts are more likely to feel tired and consumed in social interactions .
⚠️ Note: Introversion does not mean shyness, nor does it mean social fear. Introversion in MBTI refers to the preference of energy sources, not ability deficits.
Is it meaningful to chat? Is it necessary for introverts to practice?
You might ask, “Since I don’t like it, why should I learn to chat?”
The reason is realistic - many key interpersonal relationships and opportunities start with easy chat .
✦ 'Low-intensity social' that cannot be avoided in the workplace
For activities like company dinners, annual meetings, and customer cocktail parties, no one usually talks about career ideals or in-depth topics. People are more accustomed to breaking the ice from easy content such as weather, food, what dramas I have watched recently, etc. If you are always taciturn, it may be misunderstood as being difficult to get along with and not sociable.
✦ Good interpersonal relationships often start with a 'boring' sentence
'Do you like this cup of coffee too?', 'The traffic is so congested today' - these seemingly insignificant conversations are often the starting point of friendship, love and cooperation.
In these occasions, you may not be able to talk about philosophy or growth immediately, but you need to show that you are a person who is 'communicable and willing to contact'. And this is exactly the purpose of greetings/chats. In other words: chatting is not about saying something, but about opening the door to communication.
Want to have a deeper understanding of your MBTI social style? You can refer to MBTI's advanced personality profile to get a more complete interactive mode analysis to help you build connections in the best way for you.
Six practical tips to help introverts control the 'chat scene'
How can introverts easily start communication? Below are 6 strategies tailored for introverted personality to help you calmly deal with superficial communication, neither embarrassing nor contrary to your personality.
1. Look at chat from another perspective: it is not that bad
Many introverts resist because they over-amplify their discomfort. I feel that 'this kind of chat is so boring' and 'a waste of life when talking about it.' But the truth is that chatting is not the whole of your life, it is just a gadget, a way to open a social show .
Don’t regard greetings and chatting as low-level, boring, meaningless forms of communication. Its essence is not to 'transmit content', but to 'express attitude':
- 'I care about your existence'
- “I’m willing to start communication”
- “I hope you feel relaxed”
This is an interpersonal lubricant that aims to let each other take precautions before they can get a real understanding.
If you have a personality type like INFJ , INTP , ISFJ that has profound thinking but is prone to self-limitation, you might as well try to relax. There is no need to be 'deep' in every sentence, it is enough to have warmth. Next time I encounter this kind of scene, I might as well say to myself:
“I’m not wasting my time, I’m making a connection prelude.”
Accept the fact that chatting may not be in-depth, but useful.
2. Set a small and relaxed goal for yourself
Many introverted personalities (such as INTJ , ISTJ , etc.) have goal-oriented traits. You can take advantage of this to set yourself a simple task, such as:
- 'Today I will take the initiative to greet the three of you.'
- 'I'm going to try to say something lighthearted to open the remarks'
- 'I want to break the silence with chatting'
Don't set too high expectations for yourself . Just take one step and it will be great. Don't expect every exchange to be fruitful—making friends, getting cooperation, discovering soul mates. This will make the chat too stressful and you will get nothing in the end. Treat chat as a skill exercise, not emotional betting.
3. Prepare a few 'emergency topics'
For many introverts, what they fear most is not communication itself, but 'suddenly nothing to say.' Then 'prepare your lessons' in advance!
If you are of the type that is not good at on-site reactions (such as INFJ , ISFJ ), you can prepare a few 'universal topics' in advance as backup:
- 'Have you watched any drama recommendations recently?'
- 'What time has it been for this event?'
- 'The weather has changed a lot recently. Are you cold today?'
Note that you choose topics that are easy, without controversy, and without disagreement . Preparing these 'safety statements' in advance can greatly reduce social anxiety. Or observe the environment and break the silence with humorous comments. Types such as ISFP or INTP that emphasize logic in expression are especially suitable for this way of preparation + performance.
4. Move attention from 'I' to 'other person'
Introverts are not unwilling to care about others, but are often better at observing details and understanding other people's emotions. Tell yourself: 'I'm not here to show off, I'm here to make the other person feel comfortable.'
Try to play the role of 'guidor' in social situations, such as:
- Take the initiative to introduce people you don’t know each other;
- After listening to others' talk, you will naturally raise a related question;
- When you see others are uncomfortable, take the initiative to talk to relieve the other person's nervousness.
This is similar to 'playing the home court' in social interaction, rather than 'passively responding'. This method is especially suitable for personality types such as INFJ and ENFJ that are good at empathy. This approach does not require you to become a 'social star', but instead creates a sense of connection in a low-key and effective way , suitable for the personality tendencies of introverts.
5. It doesn't matter if you make a small mistake
You say a wrong sentence, a few seconds of dismay, a wrong name... none of these will make the sky fall. No one can say everything just right in a social situation. Chat is a communication process that allows mistakes to be made:
- If you say it wrong, you can smile;
- It doesn't matter if it's slow to react;
- No one remembers the incoherence.
Socialization is not an exam, and you don’t need full marks.
On the contrary, appropriate 'humanized mistakes' can make you more realistic and closer. Sometimes, your calmness and nature are easier to relax and willing to communicate further. Next time, I might as well give myself a small challenge:
“I allowed myself to make mistakes three times today.”
You will find that letting go of perfectionism will make you more relaxed and natural.
6. Learn to 'retreat intermittently' and don't hold on
The core characteristic of an introverted personality is that it will quickly consume psychological energy in a crowded environment and need to recover through being alone. For introverts who are easily consumed with energy such as INTP , INFP , and ISFP , socializing for a long time is very tiring.
You can definitely find an excuse to 'offline' for a few minutes in the middle, so if you feel tired and irritated during a party, you might as well:
- Take a break in the bathroom on the excuse;
- Go to the balcony for some breathing;
- Find a relatively quiet corner and sit for a few minutes;
- Use an excuse to call to adjust your status.
Give yourself some 'moments of being alone' to quickly recover your psychological energy and not be exhausted when you return to the crowd. Don’t blame yourself for “quitting halfway”, this is how you can effectively restore your social status. Only by learning to take care of yourself can you truly socialize for a long time without being tired.
If you want to understand the energy management model of different introverted personalities, please visit PsycTest Quiz official website (psychtest.cn) . We provide a variety of personality analysis articles to help you learn to use 'introverted advantages' to deal with social challenges.
Further reading recommendations: 7 practical tips for coping with social anxiety | Overcoming social phobia starts here
Summary: Chat is not the purpose, but the way to enable connections
Many deep relationships start with a relaxed conversation. As an introvert, you don’t need to be forced to become extrovert or pretend to be enthusiastic. You just need to master some strategies and take the first step in a way that suits you:
- Accept the social function of 'chat';
- Find a way of expression that suits you;
- Use strategies to create a comfortable social space for yourself.
If you don’t know your MBTI personality type yet, it is recommended that you click the official free version of PsycTest Quiz to start the test to obtain your 16-type personality analysis results and gain insight into your interpersonal communication advantages.
For users who want to further explore their own personality traits, behavior patterns, and emotional response mechanisms, you can also consider checking our MBTI Advanced Personality Profile . The content here is more professional and in-depth, suitable for you who want to have a more comprehensive understanding of yourself and improve your interpersonal communication skills.
Whether you are a quiet and delicate ISFJ or a rational and calm INTJ, as long as you use the right method and chatting is no longer awkward, it can even become your secret weapon to establish key interpersonal relationships.
Next time, you might as well start with a relaxed greeting and give each other a chance to start a relationship.
——From the PsycTest Quiz team
Link to this article: https://m.psyctest.cn/article/VMGYv45A/
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